


A Cat of A Different Coat

by Dagonet (TsukikoCurrier)



Category: Kingsman: The Secret Service (2015)
Genre: Cat Returns AU, I have no excuses
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-08
Updated: 2016-05-08
Packaged: 2018-06-06 09:26:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 25,271
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6748261
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TsukikoCurrier/pseuds/Dagonet
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>If you find yourself troubled by something mysterious, or a problem that's hard to solve, there's a place you can go where you will always find help. You just need to look for it.</p><p>Or: Eggsy accidentally agrees to an interspecies marriage, and how he escapes it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

        His mum had once said that if there were any secrets left in the world, Lee would find them.

       

        'I'm sorry, did you just _thank me_?'

       

        'Yes,' the cat tilted his head to one side, 'is that incorrect? You saved my life, the least I can do is thank you. I'm just on my way out of your world, actually; I'm going back home to the Cat Kingdom. Would you like to see?' Lee is incredibly glad he's kneeling, because he surely would have collapsed from shock otherwise. As it was, he was about seventy percent certain he was hallucinating and had, in fact, gotten hit quite hard in his bid to rescue the cat from the punks who were going to beat it to death.

 

        'You can talk.'

       

        'Yes, I can talk- most things can, if you're paying attention- and I would like to show you my home, if you'd like.' The cat seemed to roll his eyes, one black paw rubbing the back of its head nervously while the other gestured to one side invitingly.

       

        'The Cat Kingdom. Aren't I a bit... big?' And human.

       

        'Oh, the portals would fix that.'

       

        'But, why?' If this was a hallucination, it was a fairly good one. Why on earth would a cat be talking of _portals_ otherwise? But, somehow, Lee doubted that was the case- it was something too elaborate and fanciful even for _his_ mind.

       

        'You saved my life, and I don't have much else to offer you in return; but the Cat Kingdom is beautiful! You'll love it there!'

       

        Never let if be said that Lee had ever learned to think things through.

       

\---

 

        'E-Excuse me... is this Kingsman?' He approached the large cat nervously, completely unsure if he was in the right place. He had only had such vague instructions to go on; who knew if he was even close.

       

        'Who's asking?' One eye peered open curiously, though he didn't really seem interested in the answer. He took one look at Lee, whose legs were shaking and eyes were far too wide to be from anything other than panic, and knocked thrice on the wooden door he was seated by.

 

        'Rise and shine, Hart, we've got a live one.' There was a moment's pause, and the doors swung open, revealing a cat in a suit. A well cut suit, but it was still a cat in a suit.

       

        'Good evening; how can Kingsman be of service?' He held an umbrella in one hand (hand?), obviously for show as he strode confidently forward.

       

        'I was told you could help me, probably, and boy do I need help.'

       

        'What seems to be the problem?'

       

        'Well, my species, for one.'

       

\---

 

        'Hello?'

       

        'Is this a Mrs. Unwin?'

       

        'This is her, yeah.'

       

        'There's been an unfortunate situation here, Mrs. Unwin- I'm afraid that Lee never came back from his evening patrol two nights ago. No one's heard from him, and he wasn't acting suspicious so we don't think he went AWOL, but we have to ask. Have you heard from your husband in the past three days?'

       

        'No, I haven't.' Michelle was running on autopilot. Lee wouldn't have disappeared for no reason. What could have happened to him? He'd gone missing two _days_ ago why did they wait so long to ask?

       

        'Prior to that, did he sound like he was planning anything?' How could he sound so calm?

       

        'Not at all; he loves the Army. Even if it keeps him far from home, it's everything he wanted and more.' She could barely breathe, let alone answer, but this is what she had to do. She had to answer Lee's CO, and not freak out about her husband being missing where Eggsy could see her.

       

        'Well, we're certainly hoping for the best, but... we will keep you informed of any developments, Mrs. Unwin. Thank you.' There's silence on the other end of the line, a soft click indicating they'd hung up, but Michelle is still standing in her living room holding the phone to her ear.

 

        How was she ever going to tell Eggsy his dad's never coming home?

       

\---

 

        'We've tried everything, Lee. In several worlds. I'm sorry, but I don't think this can be undone.'

       

        Mr. Hart and Lee sat on a couch in Hart's sitting room, each holding a cup of tea- though Lee's is a much shakier grasp.

       

        'I bet my mum's spinnin' in her grave right now. Always said I'd find my way into something I couldn't get out of.' He chuckled, though it's soft and sad. 'What am I gonna tell my wife? My poor son, he's barely five, already without his da...'

       

        'It may not be any consolation to you, but... we can go and tell them what's happened?'

       

        ' _God_ no, I'd rather Michelle remember me as I was, thanks. Rather her think me dead than... well, this.' He uses the cup to gesture vaguely to his entire body.

       

        'Fair enough. You're welcome to stay here, in any case- though you'd likely have to learn to get along with Percival; I'm not always around.'

       

        'Nah, I think I'll head back to the Cat Kingdom. Figure out my new life, I guess. But, if you could- could you check in on them? Make sure they're okay? I don't have an icicle's chance in Hell of looking at them and being able to turn back 'round but... it'd make me feel better to know someone looked. Even if it wasn't me.'

 

        'Of course. I'm sorry that I can't do more.'

 

\---

 

        A half-cat figurine sat upon a windowsill in the Unwin house. It was fairly unremarkable for being a half-cat, fingers gripping an umbrella and oxfords upon its feet, among the children's toys it fit right in. Children always love the fantastical.

       

        On the floor Lee Unwin’s child played happily with a snow globe, and Harry felt a pang where a heart would be. For everything he could feel, he was still wood and paint instead of flesh and blood. Most of the time. But it was in moments like this that he mourned the ability to feel at all. Here was a child who would likely not remember the warmth of his father’s embrace, or the timbre of his laugh; would not know what it felt like to hear his praise.

 

        It certainly couldn’t be construed as being his _fault_ \-  he did not arrange for Lee to be both selfless and incurably curious, he did not bribe the cat he had rescued into bringing him to the Cat Kingdom- but he had certainly failed at the one thing he took pride in: helping. Solving a difficult problem; he had gone through every book in his library and asked for assistance from everyone he was able to to no avail.

 

        So, yes, he certainly blamed himself for the hardship he knew would befall them without Lee. No one goes through loss and comes out the same way they went in. Mrs. Unwin (Michelle, Lee had said her name was Michelle) came to the window, and if he was going to do something reckless this would be the moment to do so.

 

        ‘Good evening, Michelle.’ Harry bowed at the waist, continuing to watch her as he did so. Their eyes locked for a brief moment, and then Michelle’s rolled into the back of her head as she collapsed. It certainly wasn’t the reaction he was going for- usually shock and curiosity keeps people conscious- but perhaps the past few days had been as hard for her as they had been for him.

 

        He deftly jumped from the windowsill, and approached the younger Unwin- the boy had looked up at the sound of his mother collapsing.

 

        ‘What’s your name, young man?’ If he was lucky, the child would be more receptive than his mother had been.

 

        ‘Eggsy.’ Well, so far so good, the boy had responded.

 

        ‘Well, Eggsy, I- I’m sorry to say that your father won’t be coming home. But, he wanted me to tell you that he loves you very much.’ It was obvious that Eggsy did not understand, having gone back to playing with the snow globe. But he felt better for having tried. He nearly turned around to leave, what little he could do done, but stopped himself- there was one more thing he could do, but it was risky.

 

        He pulled out a notebook and pen he always kept on his person, and a copy of a medal that had been gifted to him by a wealthy client many years before. On the paper he simply wrote “Kingsman owes you a debt” and magically etched “Oxfords, not Brogues” to the back of the medal. He made his way to the surface of the table, using his umbrella to pull himself to places he could not reach, and put both the note and medal on the surface. He snapped his fingers, and the objects enlarged to what would be a manageable size for the Unwins.

 

        Hopefully he would be able to help them, next time.


	2. Chapter 2

'You up, Eggsy? It's almost noon!' It's faint, like an echo, but when his sleep-addled brain makes heads from tails of the statement he jolts up in bed- barely missing the shelf above him.

‘Ah, fuck, not _again_!’ Eggsy scrambled to pull himself together, tripping over several articles of dirty clothing in his rush to get to university on time. Nearly hopeless, but maybe he’d work a miracle this time.

 

‘Y’want breakfast, babes?’ There was some toast on the table, and Daisy happily played with the scrambled eggs that were placed in front of her.

 

‘No time-' he pulled a cap onto his head to cover his sleep-mussed hair 'gonna be late to class.’

 

‘You sure? It’s delicious!’ Making a grand show of taking a bite, his mum moaned at the taste- one eye peering at him with a light smirk on her face.

 

‘Now tha’s just mean, mum.’ And he dashed down the stairs and up the street quick as he could. The school was only a few blocks away, but running as late as he was he didn’t want to chance strolling- he couldn’t miss another class this term.

 

He made it to campus with literal seconds to spare, but didn’t manage to get to his class- ended up literally scaling the building when he saw the window open. If he was gonna be late, after all, he might as well be late _with style_ and nothing was more “Eggsy” than a fourth-storey window entrance.

 

‘... but the mountains and rivers remain. And the castle is draped in the vivid green of spring.’ Eggsy slipped into the room, and softly slid his bag towards his desk. ‘Eggsy, we all know you're sneaking in, just get to your seat.’ The room erupted in laughter, Charlie's easily distinguishable above the rest, while the professor simply shook his head. This had happened often enough throughout the last few semesters, it was nothing new or spectacular. Someone towards the back updated the cork board labelled "Eggsy's Antics Scoreboard" with a new sheet of paper- he'd have to check it later.

'Busted!' Ryan and Jamal whispered, patting him on the back with faked sympathy as he sat down.

Fortunately for Eggsy, it seemed that most of the professors he had today were simply rehashing old material- or maybe that reading ahead he'd done had paid off. He sat back in his seat and idly played his desk like a drum kit with the eraser-ends of his pencils, Jamal began tapping a counter-rhythm, and the professors did nothing. It wasn't particularly disruptive, and it kept other students from sleeping, so it was a win-win situation- until Ryan started rapping. Ryan had no idea how to whisper, so his antics were plenty loud and ruined the fun for everyone.

'This morning was total shit.' Eggsy sighed as the three of them left campus, scuffing his feet along the sidewalk like a child who didn't want to leave the playground. 'Woke up late, couldn't eat brekkie, tripped on my own _shoelaces_ tryin' to get here on time, an' then it turns out we weren't doing anything I didn't already know! All that shite for nothing!'

'Yeah, well, at least these're normal problems and not the kind of shite Dean'd get you into.'

 

'True. But it's still shit. Why's all this happening to me?'

'Maybe it's an omen, Eggs-'

'Yeah, like somethin' awful's gonna happen real soon!'

'Well, thanks for that bruv, it helps. It really helps.'

'Really?'

'Yeah, 'bout as much as you lot callin' for another round when you're already plastered and fuckin' up my prospects.' Just last week they'd gone to some posh party they'd heard about from a friend of a friend of a friend, and Eggsy had run into Charlie. Now, Charlie was a bastard, no one'd argue that, but he was _fit_ and _confident_ and that was more than enough to garner Eggsy's interest. He'd managed to chat Charlie up a bit, all casual like, when he saw Jamal and Ryan getting up from the bar. Turned out they had ordered another round of pints, downed the lot (including Eggsy's, the greedy fucks), and were gonna join him on the dance floor. Except they'd had a good few too many, and were a little clumsy and a lot rowdy after getting up, forcing Eggsy to duck out on Charlie to get them home. There'd be other chances, and fuck knew how many times they'd done the same for him throughout the years. But it was still frustrating.

 

'Don't even know why you care so much- Charlie's a prick on his best days.' Ryan said, stretching his arms above him before crossing them behind his head.

'And he ain't all that good looking neither.' Jamal muttered, just loud enough for Eggsy to hear; he'd been in more of Charlie's classes than Eggsy had been, sharing a major, which had given him ample time to fortify his negative opinion of the man.

'Now Tilde, on the other hand-' Ryan jumped in, eager to keep Eggsy from responding.

'She's beautiful-'

'And smart-'

 

'She's got those gorgeous eyes-'

'And she _sings_ -'

'Legs for _miles_ -'

'And her _laugh_ -'

'She's perfect!' The two sighed in unison, very Weasley-esque.

'Yeah, yeah; the sun shines out her arse and gravity pulls you two to her like a moth to the flame. I've listened to you wax poetic 'bout her for almost a year- do somethin' about it. Least I'm _trying_ to chat Charlie up; how're you lot gonna get her to look twice at your scrawny arses? Let alone stick 'round when she finds out you like to share?'

'Well, you see, we've got a master plan-' Ryan began, spreading his arms wide as if to indicate the size of said "master plan" like one would normally hyperbolise the size of the one that got away after a fishing trip.

'Step one is t- the fuck is _he_ doin'?' A dark cat came around the corner, a box bigger than its head held in its mouth by a ribbon. It certainly looked as if it were on a mission, tail held up and eyes focused, but Jamal wasn't talking about the box.

'Oi, cat! You're gonna get yourself killed, mate.' The cat was about to cross the street, at a crosswalk and everything, but hadn't noticed the light change- or the cars moving. 'Well, fuck it, it's jus' a cat- now back to Tilde-'

'This isn' gonna end well...' Eggsy murmured; thoroughly distracted by the adventurous feline. It started crossing anyway, walking with the kind of casual confidence only a cat could exude, and was going to at _least_ make it to the median before the box fell from its mouth. Instead of saving its own skin, the cat stopped in the middle of the road to pick the box back up. Except it had fallen over upside down, and the cat spent precious moments trying to flip it over with his nose, oblivious of the oncoming traffic. Or perhaps uncaring.

Eggsy dropped his stuff in the middle of the sidewalk, yanking off his jacket and tugging it taut between his hands like a barrier before running towards the cat. There was a very small window of opportunity to get himself, the cat, and the _fucking box_ out of the road before the oncoming truck would hit them; no time for hesitation. He ran at a crouch, and leant down right before reaching the cat, managing to scoop both it and the box up by a hairs breadth before tripping on a loose pebble and landing (thankfully) in some bushes and not in the middle of traffic.

'Fuck, you _stupid_ cat; what's so bloody important about that box anyway? You coulda fuckin' died!' He rubbed at his head, dislodging the leaves that had managed to get in his hair in their landing, and looked up.

The cat was wiping at his body like people wiped grass from pant legs: standing upright as if that was the only way a cat should stand in the first place. He looked up, for it was now entirely obvious it was a he and locked mismatched eyes with Eggsy.

'That was an impressive feat you just did, lad, for a cat like me- most people would walk away. In fact, most did. Thank you. I trust you didn't get hurt?' His head cocked to one side inquisitively, but Eggsy was still a tad distracted by the fact that the cat was speaking.

'Ah...uh... did you...?'

'Don't mean to be rude, lad, but I have places to be and things to do- I'll try to come by and thank you properly after I'm done.' The cat bowed, and Eggsy felt compelled to return the gesture, softly replying that no thanks were necessary. By the time he'd looked back up, the cat had picked up the box and trotted off, stopping briefly at the corner to nod in Eggsy's direction before disappearing from view.

'Eggsy, y'alrigh'?' Ryan placed a hand on his shoulder as Jamal put Eggsy's stuff down next to him.

'Yeah we saw you took a tumble through those bushes after you saved that dumbarse cat.'

'Well, I think I've gone mad. It talked.' Eggsy refused to make eye contact as he stood up and collected his things. It was one thing to think you had hallucinated something, it was another to have your mates tell you that you were going bonkers.

'What?'

'The cat spoke- weirdly Scottish, actually.'

'Well, I'll be sure to visit you when you've checked yourself into the loony bin. Get some sleep, yeah Eggs'?'

By the time he made it home, Eggsy had run the conversation through his mind a thousand times over. He wasn't overheated, nowhere near enough sun for that, and he hadn't exhausted himself in his rescue in the first place. He hadn't taken anything since Dean had left, so that ruled out another possibility. He moved through the house at a snail's pace, dropping his stuff at the table and heading into the kitchen.

'Watch out, babes, had a bit of a spill.' He stepped over the minced garlic (how hadn't he noticed the smell?) and bits of broken glass to take the broom and dustpan from her. ‘Thanks, love.’

'Hey, mum? D'you think cats can talk?' He didn't want to make eye contact, and cleaning was as good an excuse as any. Michelle had turned back to whatever it was she was cooking, humming idly to herself.

'Hm? Oh sure, why not?' Her hips shook to a beat only she knew as she continued to stir the contents of the pan; Eggsy cleaned quickly, and after he'd put the pans away he sat at their modest dining table, looking exhausted more than anything else. 'Wait a tic- wha's the question?'

'Cats talking?'

'D'you know tha's not the first time you’ve asked me?' Eggsy shook his head, wondering where this was going, as his mum kept cooking- she'd glance over every few moments as if to check he was still there.

'I mean, you was just a tyke- but you'd been feeding this kitten on the side of the road, yeah? An' it was such a dirty cat- you could barely tell what colour it was under all that dirt! You sat down with it, and waited for it to finish eating the food you'd been sharing before you even thought about comin' home.' She sighed, shaking her head as if to dispel the memory, 'you caught up an' said "mum, d’you know cats can talk?" an' I said no and you went "well she can, and she says that life is tough!" you were so excited... I didn' have the heart to tell you how right she was- your dad had gone MIA a week b'fore that and I was strugglin' to keep myself together...'

 

Eggsy placed a hand on her shoulder, having gotten up at a point he couldn't remember, and they simply stood together a _breathed_ for a moment. The cat and his questions didn’t matter, just then.

The moment was broken too soon, Daisy having gotten impatient for dinner and come galloping down the hall. Eggsy scooped her up, peppering her cherubic cheeks with kisses until she squealed, and thought that his life was going pretty damn well.


	3. Chapter 3

            When one wakes up in the middle of the night, it's usually due to a nightmare, or the crashing sounds of someone moving about at an hour they ought not to. It's not because of some weirdly repetitive bells chiming and the sound of many cats meowing, one after the other. Not hissing, like they're fighting; or yowling, like they're mating, but meowing. As if to call attention to a passerby.

           

            Except it's 2 a.m. and no one in their right mind is just wandering about. Not sober.

 

            So, in nothing but his trackies, Eggsy made his way outside to figure out what the hell was going on. He's lucky that it's a Friday night; or Saturday morning, depending on how you look at it. Either way, it meant that his lack of sleep won't cause him too much trouble- he only had some plans with Ryan and Jamal in the afternoon.

 

            Of all the things he had imagined, a parade of cats wasn't even on the list. And by parade he meant a _parade_ where all the cats walked upright like people and carried little lanterns, cats whose fur looked like _suits_ tossing the strays out of the way (Cat bouncers?). At the centre of it all was what could only be some sort of high class wheelbarrow carrying a large, old, white cat with a cats-eye gem on the centre of his head, flanked on one side by a tall dark cat wearing some truly obnoxious coloured clothing and on the other by a tan cat with metal legs. Eggsy watched them curiously from the steps, wondering if this was something they did every night and he was just oblivious.

           

            They came to a stop just in front of his house, and Eggsy tried to lean himself out of sight; there was probably some sort of cat business they were in the area to handle, and wouldn't want human involvement. (He'd later blame this train of thought on it being _2 in the fucking morning_ but at the time it made sense)

           

            'Hey, man, come outta there!' The voice had a slight lisp, obviously American, and Eggsy peered out for a moment and gestured to himself vaguely. The taller cat nodded, 'Yeah, you- c'mon. We got shit to handle.' Eggsy came out from his cover (admittedly shoddy cover- a frail bush at the edge of the complex) and stood at attention before the parade of cats. (No, seriously, what the _fuck_?)

           

            'Let me introduce you to our awesome ruler, the king of Cat Kingdom- Chester King!' The cat in the wheelbarrow turned toward him, and sneered down the edge of his nose at Eggsy- who had not known that someone could sneer down their nose at someone who was taller than them.

 

            'Good evening.' He sounded like that was the last thing he wanted to come out of his mouth. Eggsy nodded his head, acknowledging him, and kept his comments to himself- cat or not this was royalty, you don't insult them. Least not to their face.

           

            'Let me tell you, man- that cat you saved today was the king's only kid, Prince Merlin! So, given that it's such a huge deal, the King wants to thank you in his own words.' Eggsy turned back from the garishly outfitted cat to the lounging King, who once again looked as if speaking to him was akin to pulling teeth without anaesthetic.

           

            '...Thank you.'

           

            'No problem, guv.' Well he probably hadn't needed to speak, but Eggsy was curious if the King's problem with him had to do with his background (like any other posh geezer) or if it was cos he was human. His accent got him no reaction, which answered that question, and in the span of a blink a scroll was shoved up into his face by the shorter cat with the prosthetics. 'Oi!'

             

            'It's a list of what you're gonna get- the King isn't done thanking you yet.'

           

            'You'll begin receiving these things tomorrow, we hope you enjoy them!' The lightly accented voice was oddly enthusiastic for having passed him what was basically a glorified sheet of paper, but he wasn't complaining.

           

            'Thank you.' No sooner had the words left Eggsy's mouth did the King gruffly bid him goodnight and direct the parade to continue onward. He stood there and watched until the King was gone from his sight, the rest of the parade still going what seemed like miles, and headed back upstairs to catch up on his rest.

           

            Eggsy woke up sneezing; his phone was ringing, but it was definitely the sneeze that woke him.

 

            'Eggs' where you at?'

           

            'Just woke up- nose stuffed an' all- lemme become human an' then I'll meet you two at your place, 'kay?'

           

            'Well make it quick- I need to kick your arse at Mario Kart.' The click told Eggsy that Ryan had hung up on him, but even that was not motivation enough to leave bed proper. Unfortunately, Eggsy couldn't reach a tissue box from bed, and felt another sneeze coming on- thus prompting him to start his day.

 

            Except, upon getting up from his bed, Eggsy promptly tripped and fell flat on his face; incredibly uncomfortable at the best of times, let alone just after waking up with a stuffed nose.

           

            'The _fuck_ is all this?' His floor was covered, wall to wall, in jackets nearly identical to the one he'd worn the day before. It was like carpet, except way trickier for he-who-is-half-asleep to manoeuvre across. Mostly due to many of the sleeves and hoods and such being positioned at _just_ the right angle for shuffling feet to trip on. He eventually made it to the bathroom, got himself ready for the day, and re-entered his room no less confused than he had left it. There was a scroll on his desk, sealed up all nice and pretty, which implied that last night was probably not a dream. _Great_.

           

            'Eggsy, babes, did you have someone deliver plants? I know our front steps ain't the mos' exciting thing but-'

           

            'I didn' order any plants, mum- was there a sale or something, why is my room filled with jackets?'

           

            'I don't mess about with your room, love. Maybe you was sleepwalking and couldn't find an outfit?' She giggled, hiding her mouth behind one hand, obviously not worried about the weird shit happening in their house. And, well, she didn't really have a reason to- a couple plants and some clothing certainly weren't the most dangerous things to appear in their house.

           

            'Wait- mum, are those cattails?'

 

            'Just a couple little ones- they're quite cute actually; maybe it's one of those random act of kindness things.'

           

            'Yeah, they're cute lookin'- but Daise and I are allergic, 'member? Ain't you allergic to 'em?'

           

            'Well... yeah... but they're so cute, Eggsy! A couple little ones just at the edge of the stairs can't do too much harm, can they?'

           

            'I woke up sneezing, mum.'

           

            'Oh fine, spoilsport.'

           

            'Sometimes I gotta wonder which one of us is the parent.'

           

            'Oh hush.' Eggsy shook his head in lieu of a reply, and gathered his things before heading out to Ryan's place.

           

            Unbeknownst to him, the stray cats of the neighbourhood were incredibly interested in him. So interested, in fact, that they followed him down the block and around the corner- which is when Eggsy actually noticed them trailing behind him.

 

            'Afternoon- I don't have any food for you guys. Go find someone that does.' He continued on his way, but it seemed that every few steps more cats appeared from the woodwork, adding to his... hoard? Collection? Ducklings? Whatever you wanted to call them, it kept expanding. And then they got a bit _too_ enthusiastic and started running at him, which prompted him to run and try to get away from their rampage.

           

            By the time he got to the tube station there were dozens of cats running after him at full speed. He'd say hundreds, but he wasn't very prone to hyperbole; he knew the difference between something being _bad_ and being _the worst_ , after all. He took to weaving between crowds of people to frustrate the cats into giving up, but all he managed to do was piss off several families that were apparently in quite a hurry.  Someone yelled that pets weren't allowed in the station- obviously angry at the hoard of cats- but it wasn't as if Eggsy could control them, and he still didn't know why they were following him in the first place. He managed to slide into the tube right as the doors were closing, successfully cutting off the cats, and sighed in relief.

 

            Eggsy took the time he spent riding to search himself for whatever it was that the cats wanted- discovering a bit of dried catnip in literally every pocket and crevice. There was some somehow stuck to all the crevices of his trainers, a little in the hood of his jacket; if his nose hadn't been stuffed he probably would have smelt it before he’d gotten dressed. As it was, he was covered in bits of dark green leaves and smelling odd in the middle of the tube- people would get pissy, so he needed to get as much of this shit off him as possible.

           

            Eggsy made it to Ryan and Jamal's place and wanted nothing more than to sit down and play mindless video games for hours. Cats, as it turned out, were pretty damn great at jumping places they shouldn't be jumping, which pretty much made his trying to parkour away from them useless. Energy wasted to no avail. But he'd managed to pop into a perfume shop for a mo, and the conflicting scents had gotten the last of the cats to stop chasing him, thank fuck.

           

            'Honey, I'm home!'

 

            'Finally- the fuck took you so long? I know pretending to be human takes some time but it's been _hours_ , bruv.'

           

            'You would not _believe_ the day I've been having. Woke up with my nose stuffed, yeah? Someone just up an' left cattails on our front step. Then I got chased by cats halfway across town- barely managed to escape them to get on the tube; found catnip in my pockets, got rid of that right quick. I don't even have a cat! Who did that? An' even after I got rid of the catnip when I got off there were more cats chasin' me! Had to stop in a perfume shop to get the smell off, an' then they finally stopped.' Eggsy paced back and forth angrily in front of the

           

            'That sucks, bruv.'

           

            'But you're here with us now, yeah? So forge' all that shit and sit your arse down- we're doing Rainbow Road.'

           

            Eggsy left as the sun hung low in the sky, feeling far lighter than he had when he’d woken up. Nothing else ridiculous had happened, so maybe it was all over; he hadn't bothered to open the scroll to check, with his luck it'd be in some language he didn't understand.

           

            'Eggsy!' Eggsy jumped, frantically twisting this way and that trying to find the speaker before looking down. There, standing on the shining silver slivers (heh, try saying that ten times fast) she used as feet, was one of the cats from the night before.

           

            'Oi, you cats just don't know when to stop, do you?'

           

            'We're so glad you're enjoying the gifts!' Her tan fur looked far darker in the sunset, and Eggsy noticed that her fur had angled markings in a darker shade all along the top of her back and head, leading to her wide orange eyes. If he wasn’t so pissed off he mighta thought it pretty.

 

            'Except I'm not. The jackets are nice an' all, but everythin' else? I'm allergic to cattails and catnip doesn' do shit for me- certainly did for the neighbourhood cats tho, they chased me halfway across town!' He gesticulated wildly, pointed in every direction as if to emphasise how far the cats had chased him.

 

            'But we all agreed that the gifts were perfect! Well, perhaps we were mistaken... The King won't be too pleased to hear this.' She sighed and turned around, crossing her arms and tapping one of her legs anxiously.

           

            'I'd say I'm sorry, but you lot coulda _asked_ what would have been good repayment, you get me? Things haven't been going too great in the first place before you lot decided to go crazy trying to thank me- I already regret saving Prince what's-his-face, an' I just did that yesterday!' Her ears perked up, turning back to him.

           

            'Things going wrong? What kind of things?' She sounded way too excited about his hardships.

           

            'Eh, loads of stuff that cats don' have to deal with- not your problem.' Eggsy sat himself down on a nearby ledge, elbows on his knees and head in his hands.

           

            'We haven't thanked you nearly enough- especially considering how our other gifts did not go over well. The Kingdom of Cats has vowed that we're not stopping until you're satisfied- you saved the only heir to the throne, we do not take such things lightly.'

           

            'Don't tell me there's more!'

           

            'Didn't you read the scroll? It wasn't just for show, you know.'

           

            'Never got 'round to it, honestly.'

           

            'Well, how would you like your own private tour of the Cat Kingdom?'

           

            'You serious?'

 

            'Of course! I am sure you'll love it! The food is wonderful and it's quite beautiful- and the Kingdom of Cats is ready to welcome you with open arms! The King and his court are so impressed by your bravery that he's decided to give you the greatest honour the Kingdom has to offer- the paw of Prince Merlin in marriage!' He nodded along, showing he was listening, until the last bit, the shock of which caused him to jump in his seat and lose his balance.

           

            'Wait, what?! Don't even joke 'bout shit like that! There ain't no way I'm marrying a cat.'

           

            'I don’t joke- and don't be so hard on yourself! The people think you're a hero, and the Prince is incredibly charming.' She whispered, half hiding her face behind a paw, as if divulging a secret to him.

           

            'He certainly looked confident when I saved him- didn't even flinch when things went south.' Eggsy muttered to himself. He sat in silence for a while at the edge of the sidewalk, watching the breeze kick up leaves and scatter them about, thinking about the possibilities of a visit. 'Well, maybe I'd fit in with a load of cats, yeah?' The cat gasped, wriggling her upright body the way common cats do when hunting. 'Lie around wherever you please, naps in the sun-'

 

            'But of course!'

 

            'Eat all the food you please, jumpin' places you shouldn't- forget about all your problems... A cat's life sounds great! But me marrying some posh cat?' He scoffed, 'Ridiculous.'

           

            'We'll collect you tomorrow to introduce you properly to the kingdom.' She bowed slightly, turning to run back to wherever she'd appeared from.

           

            'Wait a fuckin' second- I didn't agree to that!' But it was too late; whether she had heard him or not she hadn't acknowledged him. Eggsy stood there, hands in his pockets in the slight chill of night, staring at where the cat had gone, before shaking his head.

           

            'Well, fuck.

 

            Alrigh' then, Eggsy, somethin's gotta be done about these mental cats. Except you've got no idea of where they come from, or how they got into your house, or where they got all the shit they gave you, an' they're relentless with this thanking bullshit,' he sighed through his teeth.

 

'They won't give up.

 

            'Which means they'll probably find some way to kidnap me, and then I'll have to marry that cat. Somehow. Fuck. That doesn' sound like my idea of a good time, thanks.' Eggsy would normally be more self conscious of talking to himself, but his day had already gone in a much different direction than normal. No harm in looking like a nutter who's had a few too many walking home.

           

            'Eggsy? Eggsy!' It wasn't the voice of the cat from before- it was another girl, accent obviously upper class, her words echoing like she was inside a short tunnel; enough to sound mysterious, not enough to distort her words.

           

            'Oh, great, the fuck do _you_ want, then?' Eggsy peered around the corner, behind a bush, up a tree, trying to catch a glimpse of the speaker with no luck.

           

            'Eggsy- your medal- you need to find Kingsman; they can help you. You _must_ get to Kingsman. Find Percival, a large grey cat, at the Black Prince- he'll show you the way.'

           

            'At a fuckin’ pub?' He scoffed at the sky, not knowing where else to direct his annoyance.

           

            'You're going to need their help, Eggsy. Find Percival and get to Kingsman.'


	4. Chapter 4

            The Black Prince was way closer to his old stomping ground than Eggsy liked; he kept glancing over his shoulder, half expecting Rottie or someone else from Dean's pack to be following him. He found the building alright, pretty hard to miss what with it being solid black on a street corner and all, and tried to find a grey cat nearby.

 

            The problem with the colour grey, when it comes to searching for things, is that greys tend to blend into one another in the dark. Which means that finding a grey cat in an empty car park at night is near impossible, and incredibly frustrating; he spent what felt like hours wandering about, hoping to stumble across this cat.

           

            He did not expect to stumble _over_ him.

           

            'Ah, fuck,' A cat looked up at him, obviously displeased with having been stepped on. 'Wait, are you grey? I'm lookin' for a grey cat, some voice told me you'd be here.' The cat flicked an ear, but didn't otherwise respond, content to lie on the ground.

           

            'Look, I'm up shit creek- some bird sent me here to find Percival, an' told me to bring this,' Eggsy pulled a chain from beneath his shirt, the medal hanging from it barely glinting in the streetlight, and held it up. Green eyes blinked slowly, which was an improvement, but the cat still didn't move. Eggsy sighed and got up, intent on restarting his search. 'Sorry for wastin' your time, then- and for steppin' on you. Must have the wrong person. Cat, I mean.'

           

            'Wait.' Eggsy froze for a moment, before grinning to himself. It was him. Percival stood on all fours and stretched, fur still mostly indistinguishable from the concrete, eyes never leaving Eggsy. 'Where did you get that?'

           

            'Dunno much 'bout it actually. Mum said it just appeared in our house 'round the time my dad went missing. It's got a weird engraving on it, tho, if it was from the Army or somethin'- Oxfords, not Brogues,' Percival's eyes widened, though Eggsy was too busy looking at the medal the cat was so interested in to notice, 'that mean anythin' to you?'

           

            'Not to me, but you’ll find out soon enough. Come along.' Percival trotted off, looking back only once before running down and alley and into the darkness. Eggsy scrambled to catch up, not wanting to imagine what would happen to him if he lost sight of Percival. He could practically hear wedding bells ringing.

           

            'Where we goin' then?' He called into the darkness.

           

            'To Kingsman!' Percival echoed back.

           

            The way to Kingsman reminded Eggsy more of a toddler's scribbling than an actual path. Three rights, a left, across a rooftop, down a fire escape, walk on a wall for half a block; it made no sense, so Eggsy stopped trying to make sense of it. They ran and jumped and ducked and somehow he never wound up too out of breath to continue. He saw Percival slow down up ahead, eventually raising himself onto his hind legs and walking through an elegant archway. (How'd they hide that in the middle of town?) There was a column beyond the arch with an incredibly detailed stone crow at the top, wings slightly spread. Percival walked slowly, stretching his arms (forelegs?) above him, as Eggsy walked in behind him, ducking a bit to get through the archway without hitting his head. Once through, he pulled himself upright.

           

            He was as tall as the buildings. Weird.

           

            It was a miniaturised town square, with buildings all the way around until they touched either side of the archway behind him. The column with the statue was the centre, obviously important to whoever had made the place, and none of the buildings looked the same- one looked like a castle spire, another an architects angular dream; no rhyme or reason but somehow it all fit together. Eggsy whistled lowly as he stepped slowly about the square, impressed and confused all at once.

           

            Hidden betwixt all of the taller buildings was a sweet little cottage with green trim, and stone archways above the windows. It was the only building with a yard- a tree riding up from behind the house to drape its branches across the roof- and it was the only one that looked lived in. There was a cat-sized chair beneath a proportional street light on one side of the door frame and a mailbox on the other, from which Percival withdrew a newspaper before sitting in the aforementioned chair.

           

            'Uhm, mate, I though' we were goin' to Kingsman. Not your house, or whatever.' Percival opened the newspaper further, completely blocking is face from view. Well then. 'Uh, 'scuse me? I need some help like _now_ or I'm gonna get kidnapped by a bunch of cats, an' that don't seem like a good thing from my end.' Eggsy peered inside the windows of the cottage, noticing for the first time the symbol etched upon it. He held up the chain from his neck, and compared the two symbols before gasping.

           

            'Is this it?' The words had barely left his mouth when the streetlamp turned on. The light should have been an uncomfortable change, after so long in near darkness or more, but instead it felt safe. Warm. The light reflected and refracted across all of the windows in the square until each reflection landed on the small house before him.

           

            'Enough, Hart turn it off- no one's impressed by your light show.' Percival, caught in the crossfire of light, lifted the newspaper to shield himself. The windows stopped shining, though the streetlamp remained on, and the lights inside the cottage were lit before the double doors opened, revealing the silhouette of someone wearing a top hat.

           

            Despite his size, the half-cat who emerged simply oozed confidence and class. He wore a dark pinstriped suit and carried an umbrella in one gloved hand, (he had hands!) his dress shoes (and feet!) clacked against the cobblestone with surprising volume for someone perhaps a foot tall. He came to a stop in front of Eggsy and pulled the hat from his head, revealing brown fur and cat ears, bowing slightly in greeting.

           

            'Good evening, and welcome to Kingsman.' His voice was upper class, expected with the way he dressed, and Eggsy couldn't help but feel drawn to him.

           

'Wow; don't see someone like you every day.'

           

            'Well I should certainly hope not- if you haven't already realised you're in a place quite different from your world. This is a refuge for Creations; whenever someone creates something with all of their heart, that item is given a soul. Like me, and James up there.' The half-cat broke eye contact with Eggsy to look at the column, the top of which glowed for a moment before it began moving- the crow had come to life, stretching its wings before glancing downward.

           

'The fuck?! That was _stone_ bruv!' Eggsy jumped back a little, careful not to hit the half-cat even in his panic.

           

            'Meet James, the stone statue with a soul.'

 

            'Well we've got a visitor, eh, Harry? That's weird.'

 

            'It's not as if one can _plan_ for the kind of emergencies we're useful for, James. Though I have to admit, he's quite the striking character.'

           

'Harry?' Eggsy looked down curiously.

           

            'My name is Harry Hart, and I gave you that medal. Now, let's get straight to the biscuits- you say you're having some trouble with cats wanting to kidnap you?'

           

            'Yeah. Saved a cat yesterday from getting hit by a truck, turned out to be their Prince, and now they won't leave me alone.'

           

            'Well that was a mistake on your part, wasn't it? Thought you'd help a poor innocent animal? You should have minded your own business and let the circle of life take its course.'

           

            'Oi! The hell is your problem? It was a cat same as you, shouldn' you be thankin' me for saving one of your own kind?' James looked shocked at Eggsy's outburst, but Harry merely looked proud.

           

            'Yeah, Perce, what's got a stick up your arse?' James glided down from the column, and obviously went out of his way to hit Percival on his way to the rooftop of the little house.

           

            'Well he's in trouble for it now, isn't he? So he made a stupid mistake, that's all I'm saying.'

           

            'I wasn't gonna let some innocent animal get hurt when there was somethin' I could do about it! I mean, yeah, I kind of regret helpin' him _now_ but I'm more annoyed at his subjects. He didn' do anything to deserve gettin' killed on my watch.'

           

            'Where did you find him, Percival?'

           

            'At the Black Prince- he said a voice told him to find me. By name.'

           

            'A voice?' Harry looked to Eggsy, head slightly cocked, one hand propped beneath his chin.

           

'Yeah, I don't know who she was, but she told me to find Kingsman and use the medal; said you could help me.'

           

            'Sounds a bit of a stretch to me, are you sure you haven't hit your head?'

 

            'Percy I don't think I've ever heard you so rude; quit being so _catty_!' James flew down from the house and circled the large grey cat, sure to smack him more than once with his wing.

           

            'I think I'm entitled to be a bit catty- augh!' Percival ducked and raised a fist to swipe at James, who flew off cackling.

           

            'I'm sorry- I don't believe I've gotten _your_ name.' Eggsy made to jump between them, one hand extended and foot half-raised, but now Harry was standing between he and them.

 

            'It's Eggsy. Well, my name's Gary but everyone calls me Eggsy.' Harry froze for a moment, eyes widening slightly, before turning on his heel and walking off towards the house.

 

            'Well, Eggsy, come inside. We have a lot to talk about.' Eggsy hesitated, looking at Percival and James fighting. 'Come with me- they won't actually hurt one another. If I didn't know better I'd call it flirting.' Harry walked purposefully inside; stride long but smooth and elegant.

           

            The doors didn't look wide enough for Eggsy to squeeze through, from the outside, but somehow there was _just_ enough room for his shoulders and from there the rest of him was easy. The inside of the house was warm and elegant, all dark woods and deep reds, and Harry had already removed his jacket and top hat and hung them on a stand. Eggsy sat himself on the most solid looking piece of furniture in the room, a chest that looked just long enough for him to sit on comfortably, and ducked his head to avoid poking himself in the eye with the chandelier.

 

            'Something to drink?'

           

            'Surprise me.' Harry clattered about the kitchen for a few minutes before he pulled out a couple glasses no larger than a thimble and split the concoction between them.

           

            'This is a personal favourite of mine.' The cup Harry passed him was just large enough to pinch betwixt two fingers, which was kind of adorable, and as he took a sip Eggsy noticed that it didn't empty. Strange.

           

'That's good- and just as strong as I needed after a day like today; what is it?'

           

            'Martini- a proper one. I thought we might need a bit of a boost for this discussion.'

 

'Somethin' wrong? You _can_ help me, can't you?'

 

            'Yes, luckily, we can- but it's- it's just- the medal, Eggsy.' Harry looked down, his ears flattening a bit, tail twitching beside him.

 

'Yeah? What 'bout it?'

 

            'What do you know about it?'

 

'That my mum found it with a note a bit after my dad went MIA- but you already told me that you left it there.'

 

            'Yes, I did- but have you thought yet to wonder _why_?'

           

'I- no, I hadn't.'

 

            'Well, it seems that you and your father shared something more in common then genetics: a nearly foolishly incurable sense of duty. Your father, at some point, saved a cat- and thought that a trip to the Cat Kingdom would be interesting. The cat in question was just travelling home, you see, when your father jumped in to rescue him. Sound familiar?' Eggsy blushed and rubbed at the back of his head, refusing to make eye contact.

           

'Yeah- so what happened?

 

            'He went, thinking he'd be back by night checks at the barracks- he thought he'd just pop by, see the place, and pop back out. Unfortunately, he lost track of time and ended up with a consequence he could not bear. He came to us for help, but unfortunately we weren't able to find a solution.' It was better, Harry thought to himself, for Eggsy not to know his father's true fate. He'd likely want to see him and Harry had no clue where he was, and he'd made Lee a promise. 'I went to your home to try and deliver the news of Lee's absence, but your mother fainted and you didn't seem to understand what I was saying-'

           

'I remember that! I thought I'd dreamt it- you said that my dad wouldn't be coming home, but that he loved me, yeah? Man, you look smaller now.'

           

            'Well that tends to happen when one grows larger. But yes, that was what I went to say- I left the medal on a whim, feeling guilty at having failed your father, and hoping the next time something went wrong I'd be of service. To make things up, as it were.'

           

'You don't have to blame yourself, guv- you sound like you did all you could. Shit happens, y'know, and there ain't always somethin' we can do about it. I'm just, y'know, glad you checked in on us- who knows how this could've ended up!'

 

            'Probably with a marriage- but it was the least I could do, Eggsy; checking on you and your mother was the last thing he requested of me.' Harry would deal with the guilt of lying by omission later- at the moment there was a case to solve.

           

            Percival threw the door open and stormed toward what was absolutely the smallest functioning fridge he had ever seen, pulling an equally-small beer out and slouching upon the couch.

           

            'Ah, perfect- Percival, what do you know of the Cat Kingdom?'

           

            'That you shouldn't walk in there if you're not certain of yourself. It's like a carnivorous flower: beautiful from the outside but awful within.'

 

            'Well, unfortunately, we're in a situation that will involved at least the two of us to go there, Percival.'

           

            'Hart, I would rather kiss the overgrown chicken than accompany you to the Cat Kingdom.'

           

            'Then you can stay and take care of Eggsy.'

           

'Oi! I'm not a child, I don't need no babysitter!'

           

            'And I'm certainly not a nanny.'

           

            'You came to us for assistance, Eggsy- let us help you. That involves doing as you're asked.'

           

'Look, I'll just figure this out on me own, thanks. I'm just as well off avoiding cats on my own as I'd be in this house, an' it don't look like Percival wants to help anyway. Thanks for being willing to help, Harry- sorry for wastin' your time.' He got up from the trunk, practically crawling towards the door. No one made a move to stop him.

           

            'If that's what you wish- I'm sorry that Kingsman isn't able to help you. Keep the medal, in case you need to use the favour another ti-'

           

            'I'll watch him.' Percival grumbled, sulking- if Eggsy had been paying attention he would have seen James and Harry eyeing him during his little speech. But he'd been facing the door, so the interjection came as quite the shock.

           

'Really?'

           

            'Yes, really. Don't thank me yet- it's not likely to be a pleasant experience.'

           

'Still better than being married to a cat, mate.'

 

            'Touching as it is seeing Percy's heart grow three sizes, I'm gonna go and grab some berries for Eggsy and I to munch on- _I'm_ certainly not going to the Cat Kingdom.'

           

'Ain't you made of stone?'

 

            'Sure- that doesn't make getting chased by cats any more fun. I'm still a crow- just a more intelligent one.'

           

            'That's certainly debatable.' Percival tossed the insult casually, but James merely shrugged it off before flying away.

           

            'Now, let's see if we can't get a proper afternoon tea set up before he gets back- I'll set out for the Cat Kingdom after.'

           

'Anythin' I can do to help?' He was obviously far too large to be of any use in the small kitchen- but offering was the polite thing to do.

 

            'Yes, actually, I need you to learn one thing,' Harry pointed a spoon at him with a serious look on his face. It looked ridiculous, but Eggsy sat at attention anyway. 'Always believe in yourself. Do this and no matter where you are you will have nothing to fear.' Eggsy nodded, thinking to himself that, perhaps, things would turn out alright.

           

            There was a knock at the door but neither Harry nor Percival had heard it, so Eggsy turned to get it. It was light out- where had the time gone?

           

            'We had such a hard time finding you!'


	5. Chapter 5

            Harry's ears pricked toward the unfamiliar voice at the door, and once the words sunk in he nearly dropped the bowl in his hands.

           

            They were out of time.

           

            'Shit.' He doubted Eggsy heard him, Percival certainly did, but by the time they'd looked up there were dozens of cats (that all looked strangely the same) circling Eggsy's feet desperate to pull him down. Eggsy, at least, thought to pull himself up to the balcony and prop himself up in a corner- benefits of his free running, he supposed. The door was left ajar, a tan cat with silver legs standing outside and waiting for the others to do their job, a manic gleam in her eye as she watched them cause chaos in his house.

           

            'Do none of your kind know any manners, Percival?'

           

            'Not from there, in my experience.'

           

            'Well then- excuse me?' He called to the swarming grey cats, who froze as if suddenly realising they weren't alone. 'If you could kindly leave Eggsy alone, and stop fucking up my house, I'd be most appreciative.' They looked at him oddly, like they were all simply one being with many bodies, eyes blank and bodies still otherwise held in place. Until they turned back to their task at hand, effectively dismissing him. Percival and Harry shared a glance before striding forward, intent on physically removing the pests, before they noticed Eggsy. Or, rather, a lack of him.

 

            'Where did he run off to?' Harry murmured, surreptitiously glancing around the higher places in the house.

           

            'Gazelle, he's not here.' The tan cat looked to the grey one that spoke, her eyes narrowed.

           

            'Yes he is- I saw him. You saw him. Now _find_ him.' So, her name was Gazelle. Odd name for a cat but, then again, her legs were odd for a cat.

           

            Eggsy had taken advantage of Harry's distraction and made his way through the large balcony window as silently as he could manage, and slipped up to the roof of a neighbouring building.

           

            He was incredibly lucky that it was strong enough to hold him at all.

 

            He breathed as quietly as he could, crouched low and watching Gazelle's frustration build, hoping that they would all give up and go home. He watched as she ordered the others to find him, hoping beyond hope that they wouldn't look up.

           

            He was not that lucky. Gazelle's gaze had wandered and she'd spotted him, immediately ordering the grey cats to obtain him. Like an object. Pricks. They managed to walk _up_ the walls and get atop the house- but by the time they'd gotten to him Eggsy had jumped to another roof. Every time they got there just as he'd left- hopefully they'd get tired out, soon- until Gazelle had told them to all simply stay in place. On the rooftops. Covering his only means of evasion, as she took action on her own. She leapt and landed before him, growling a bit with her ears flat and her eyes narrowed, before seeming to remember herself and plastered a smile on her face.

           

            'This won't hurt a bit, sir- let us bring you to your new kingdom!' She jumped at him with surprising force, and though he dodged he lost his footing and fell off the building and into the veritable pool of cats at the bottom. On his way down, Eggsy noted that Kingsman's door was open, and could see Harry and Percival trying to fight off several cats of their own- at least, they had been, until Eggsy landed. The cats they had been fighting simply rejoined the group once their objective had been accomplished.

           

            'Fuck, don't let them take me!' It's a sound that echoes around the Refuge and down the alleyway.

           

            'Harry, we've got trouble, a bunch of cats are headed this way!' James practically crashed through the upper window, a branch held in his beak.

           

            'Bit late, birdbrain.' Percival ran from the house on all fours, looking more cat-like than he had since entering the Refuge.

           

            'James, give me a lift, we can fly faster than they can run.'

           

            Eggsy's ride was not a smooth one. Every ledge and step was jostling, and he couldn't get balanced well enough to propel himself off. Gazelle sat in front of him, still smiling, though she narrowed his eyes each time he threw his weight to one side. Not that he succeeded in throwing himself off, mind, but his attempts did not please her.

           

'Lemme off!'

           

            'You're just having some pre-wedding jitters- there's no shame in being nervous!'

           

'I ain't nervous, cos I ain't gettin' bloody married.' They were interrupted by the sounds of angry screaming and, looking up, saw Percival struggling in the claws of James. 'They're comin' for me!' Eggsy was incredibly glad to see them- it meant that they hadn't gotten very hurt in the scuffle, _and_ he had a fighting chance of escaping.

 

            'Okay, James, you can let him go- _now_!' Percival fell from the sky, straight at Eggsy, who had his arms outstretched- cat or not, from that height a normal landing was gonna hurt.

           

            The cats parted where he was going to land, and Percival missed his fingertips by millimetres, so Percival landed on the cobblestone with a thud, unmoving. Eggsy snapped, seeing someone who tried to help him in such a state, and though the ride was bumpy his hand was steady enough to grab Gazelle by the scruff of her neck.

           

'You cats are fucking heartless- I don't want to be here, and now you let my friend fall and prolly get wicked hurt! This ain't the way to get you into my good graces, y'know.' He shook her repeatedly, back turned, not quite yelling but certainly speaking with his voice raised.

 

            'You're certainly going to regret that!' Percival's voice came from behind them, and Eggsy turned around just in time to see him leap towards them from the ground. He grabbed onto Percival's paws when he began to slip off the edge of the pack of cats, and pulled him on board. At least he wasn't alone, now; he might not like Percival much, but at least he was a familiar face.

           

            'We're over the weight limit!' Gazelle said, glaring at their extra passenger, but Eggsy simply glared back and held to Percival tightly. If they were going to lose one, they'd lose them both.

 

'Fuck you.'

           

            Harry, atop James' back, watched the proceedings from the sky. He couldn't hear anything, even cat hearing wasn't _that_ good, but he could easily see that the hoard was running full speed at a solid wall. At least, it had been solid, until a bright blue light expanded and made a glowing circle- portal magic.

           

            'James!'

           

            'On it, Harry.' James rolled in the air, flashy and without purpose, before pulling in his wings and diving towards the light. The cats had already leapt through, the last of their tails grazing the edge of the already closing portal, when James managed to go through by a hair's breadth. The portal emerged on the back side of a billboard, atop a building, and the cats ran neatly over the edge of the roof- running straight down the wall. It was early enough in the day that not many people were milling about, and thus Eggsy's screams didn't cause mass panic but instead echoed harmlessly down the street. A new portal opened in the sidewalk beneath them, James again barely making his way through, the exit portal opened on the side of a bridge next to a forest and James flew face first into the branches.

           

            'We've been out maneuvered- James, above the trees!'

           

            'Got it.'

           

            By the time they'd gotten out from the branches the cats were at the edge of a lake and jumped straight for the water, a portal opening midair that closed far too soon for them to even think of following.

 

            'Now what?' James was speaking, but Harry wasn't listening, eyes staring blankly at the spot where the portal had been, all that remained were the twinkling lights against the water.

                       

            Harry had failed the Unwins again.

           

            Wait. The lights. Far too close to be stars, and they were _moving_ in the breeze. Their exit portal was too far away to simply pop back out the other side, he guessed.

           

            'They're riding the wind. Let's follow those lights!' James nodded and sped up, gaining on the lights which were now ducking and weaving in the pre-dawn sky not unlike a serpent in the sea. It was beautiful, in its own way. The lights seemed to be in no particular rush to get to their destination, slowing and speeding up as the air currents did as opposed to their own directing, which meant a leisurely flight for Harry and James.

 

            It was lucky that they were wood and stone, or they would have collapsed from either hunger or exhaustion before arriving at their destination: a series of lakes in the shape of a cat's paw, at the edge of which the lights disappeared.


	6. Chapter 6

            Eggsy came to in a thick fog, back in pain and a sizeable bump on his head.

           

'Where the hell am I? I can't see shit.'

           

            'Language, Eggsy.' Percival's voice came from above his head, and Eggsy looked up expecting to see a tree or ledge or something.

           

'Percival you're huge! The fuck happened?'

           

            'That was quite rude, Eggsy- but I haven't made that positive of an impression. I won't hold it against you.' Eggsy looked about ready to spit fire, lips pursed and eyes narrowed, but Percival laid a paw on his shoulder. 'And I didn't get bigger- you got smaller.'

           

'Why the fuck did I get smaller, then?'

           

            'Because we're here.' Eggsy looked around him, expecting some grand difference between here and his home, but outside of being nearly a foot shorter than Percival (damn he was tall) everything looked just about the same. The fog was still thick, though if he squinted he could see a large shape in the distance, but the grass looked the same as any other grass he'd seen. There were cattails (he assumed some sort of magic stopped him from sneezing) and dandelions and small flowered weeds all around him.

           

            ' _This_ is the Kingdom of Cats?' The more time Eggsy spent looking around, the thinner the fog seemed to get, and soon enough he could see what the large shape was- a castle, surrounded by a moat, with several towers apart from the main building. The sky seemed to split open above it, no clouds or blue just this all encompassing light- it was breathtaking. One tower seemed to go straight into that light in the centre of it all. There was the sound of footsteps (pawsteps?) to his left, and Eggsy turned to see a blue cat running to a door that had been hidden in the side of the hill. A pink cat came out to accept the proffered flower crown, placing it on her head and mewing in what he assumed was a pleased tone, and Eggsy giggled. The sound startled them, causing them to look up, and when they saw him in all his human glory they ran. Left the door open and everything.

 

'There's cats _everywhere_!'

           

            'We are, in fact, in the Cat Kingdom, Eggsy. It's to be expected. Where are you _going_?' Eggsy tumbled down the hill, feeling himself relax in the noonday sun as he hadn't since he was a child.

           

'This is so _nice_.'

 

            'We need to get out from here fast, Eggsy. Listen-'

           

'I've never felt so at home before.'

           

            'You have to get out of here _now_.' Eggsy started, eyes snapping open as he sat up. 'You don't belong here; you _need_ to leave.' A beautiful brown cat, wide golden eyes imploring, sat on her hind legs. There was a wide blue ribbon about her neck, tied into a perfect bow at the back.

           

'You're _gorgeous_ ; everythin's beautiful here, even the _cats_ are.'

 

            'Please, Eggsy. You don't have much time- get out of here before it's too late.'

           

'Hey, wait a tick- 'ow do you know my name?'

 

            'Eggsy? Eggsy!' Ah. That's how. Gazelle was coming up the side of the hill, though her yelling preceded her, and suddenly the beautiful cat and every other cat in sight began to bow.

           

'Oh, _fuck_ not her again.'

           

            'We finally found you!' Gazelle was panting for breath as a procession of cats followed behind her, carrying poles with lanterns shaped like fish atop them. 'It seems we accidentally dropped you when we arrived- your fat servant pushed us above the weight limit. At least we made it here!'

           

            'Fat servant?! I'll have you know-'

           

'He ain't my servant- Percival's my friend.'

           

            'That's nice,' Gazelle replied sarcastically, coming forward to pull Eggsy to his feet. 'But hurry up- everyone's dying to meet the new Prince! Your fat friend can come along, too, if he wants.' She added as an afterthought; Percival looked ready to vom.

           

'I dunno 'bout this, mate.' He was trying to be polite- you couldn't just tell someone important to fuck off when you're on their turf. And this was certainly her turf.

 

            'We can't be late, the King is waiting in your castle!' She's as enthusiastic as she was about hearing his troubles (was that only yesterday?) and it's as off-putting now as it was then- but he's still confused.

           

' _My_ castle?'

 

            'You're marrying royalty, Eggsy- the palace will be yours just as much as it is theirs.' Except he wasn't gettin' married, so that wasn't true.

           

            'And where do you think you're going, Eggsy?' Percival had come up behind him, looking more like a bouncer at a high-end club than anything, and Gazelle lets him go. Eggsy goes up to him and lays a hand on his arm, as that's far more feasible than trying to touch his shoulder in their current predicament.

           

            'The King's waitin' and I can't be that rude to royalty, mate- and it's rude as fuck to leave without at least sayin' hi.' Eggsy says loudly, trying to play it off as being nervous. 'I'm on their turf, and outnumbered- I've learned better than to try an' hide in unfamiliar territory.' He ends in a whisper, neck craning upward to lock eyes with Percival, whose eyes now show understanding, and perhaps a bit of respect, before nodding slowly.

 

            'This way!' Gazelle gestures toward the procession of cats ahead, but Eggsy lingers for a moment, looking back at the blue-ribboned beauty still bowing her head.

           

'Wait! Can she come, too?'

           

            'Who are you.' Gazelle's entire demeanor changed in an instant, and her silver legs suddenly looked incredibly dangerous. Eggsy gulped.

           

            'Roxanne- but call me Roxy- I serve at the royal table.' Upper class accent being treated like she was below them- just like he was back home for having a lower-class accent. This place was all kinds of fucked up.

           

            'Oh, you're employed by the King!' Gazelle smiled brightly, 'She works at the castle, you'll see her there.' She began pulling Eggsy toward the still waiting procession.

           

'See you soon, Roxy!' Eggsy waved as they walked off with the small parade of grey cats, Roxy looked up, a sad look in her eyes.

 

            'Poor Eggsy.' She rose to her full height and began walking to the palace, keeping her distance from the royal processional ahead.

           

            The wheelbarrow thing looked _way_ more like a chariot from this height, and it was far more comfortable than it looked either way. The ride was bumpy, they're being directed by hand over a dirt road it's kind of expected, but nowhere near as painful as the hoard of cats had been. He rated this ride a 5/10 as he still didn't actually want to be there. Cats stared at them going by, some bowing, some not, and as they approach the bridge over the moat Eggsy cringed.

 

            There are _eyes_ floating in the _sky_. Two of them, perfect orbs, slimy looking, floating in circles around the moat as security, Eggsy expected. More weird cat magic. One came from either side, meeting in the centre and opening wide, the slit of pupil contracting in the light of high noon. Eggsy felt like he was gonna be sick. The castle beyond the creepy eye-things looked like several different castles smashed together, repainted to have matching trim. There was a round tower next to a mushroom-like spire that's atop an almost-square base and honestly it's all giving him a headache.

 

            'There he is, hero to my people and now my future son-in-law.' Chester King was glaring at a screen, remote in one hand, looking through the eye that Eggsy was looking queasily at. He did not want some _human_ in the family, but the people had begun gossiping mere moments after Merlin's return, wondering how the King was going to repay such amazing bravery and began wondering what the highest honour of the Kingdom could be. He couldn't simply give him an abundance of mice and catnip and call it a day, as he could with his subjects- this was something far more wondrous to the people and thus needed something extraordinary in recompense.

           

            It had been his court who had suggested the solution, which would not only impress his subjects but keep his son in line. After all, if he played his cards right, the human would be _impressed_ with how he ran the kingdom and think his suggestions worth more than some other advisor. Chester King was under no illusion that his assistant and advisor wouldn't be replaced immediately after Merlin took the throne. And this entire debacle would certainly go into the history books.

           

            Chester King certainly wouldn't be forgotten in the test of time.

           

            'I'm going to go and have a chat with him, try and make a better impression. Valentine, watch the feed- make sure no one tries to interfere.' The tall, dark, garishly dressed, cat nodded and took the remote before sprawling himself inelegantly in the chair the King had just vacated. He frowned from behind his glasses, rewinding the footage repeatedly to look at Percival's face.

           

            'Why's that fat cat so familiar?'


	7. Chapter 7

            The palace was covered in pictures of fish- vertically on the wide double doors, horizontally as a chain as the trim in all the rooms; even the floor had the visage of fish on it. Everything was the same drab beige with the russet fish. Bland. It wasn't nearly as classy as Harry's house had been.

           

            _Harry._ Hopefully he would be able to find his way here and help. Somehow.

           

            They were led down a hallway, and eventually stopped in front of a pair of curtained doorways, a pair of male cats guarding one.

           

            'You're certainly not court-ready, Eggsy- you need to change your clothes before you see the King.' Gazelle gestured forward, and he hoped that she didn't intend to follow him in there. Cat clothes would be weird enough without having to change in front of her. He nodded, wary of accepting but seeing no way to decline politely, and entered the room. One of the guard cats stepped into Percival's path, preventing entry.

           

            'I'm his guard!' No way in hell was he going to call himself a babysitter, and it wouldn't be smart to let Eggsy just wander off on his own.

           

            'Perce, why don' you check out the other room? You'll know exactly where I am- and can prolly hear me well enough through the wall.' Percival nodded reluctantly, and found that the room next door was filled with food. He was quite hungry- he didn't tend to eat when he was stationed at the Black Prince, and hadn't eaten after bringing Eggsy to Kingsman, so it had been quite a while since he'd had a meal. He ate nearly the entire table, people did not call him fat because they were kind- it was actually a bit obvious that he enjoyed food. There was a large container of gelatin that smelled divine at the end of the room, but he was too distracted by the rest of the food to really pay it any mind.

           

            'Who is he?' Valentine pulled the curtain to one side, and whispered to Gazelle- he didn't want to attract any attention to himself. Kind of impossible with what he was wearing, but he didn't seem to realise that.

           

            'The new Prince calls him Percival.'

           

            'Percival? Never heard of it- some fancy human name, I guess.'

           

            Next door, Eggsy was given a suit. And actual suit, with pants and all (though that took some arguing for) that looked much like Harry's. It was tapered at his waist and was actually really well cut for it being made by a cat. If he could, he'd keep it even after going home- but something told him the King wouldn't be pleased with his refusal, and that it wouldn't grow when he changed back. Still, though, he'd enjoy it while he could- the sunshine, the beauty, the suit, all of it; he was incredibly at ease considering he was in what was basically another dimension.

           

            'Oh, Eggsy, you're so lucky- every girl in the Kingdom has a crush on Prince Merlin and here you are snatching him away!' The girl helping him with his accessories (cuff links and a tie with the same fish design as the castle walls (obnoxious)) giggled to the one doing his hair, who simply nodded in agreement. He let himself daydream for a moment, a life where he was a cat who had no responsibilities, and what he'd do- but Merlin didn't come to mind- Harry did.

 

            Harry with his golden eyes and chocolate fur, with his effortless grace and charming words, with his thoughtless kindness and apparently unending guilt, with his _voice_ and his _confidence_...

           

'I can't do this-'

           

            'Well don't you look a sight better all cleaned up.' Everyone in the room turned towards the door, the servants and assistants bowing as Eggsy stared the old white cat dead in the eye. 'Welcome to the royal family...'

           

            'Gary.' Eggsy supplied, eager to keep his distance with the apparently two-faced King. 'Your Majesty, lemme tell you I'm really flattered but I got no intention of gettin' married to your kid.'

           

            'What?' The King's voice was flat, and he looked to his right as the curtain gave way to the obnoxiously brightly dressed cat from the parade. 'I was informed that you'd already agreed to the marriage.' It was too late for him to back down, anyway!

           

            'Yeah that's what Gazelle said and you know she doesn't lie!' The two shared a look before looking smugly back at Eggsy.

           

'Well what 'bout Merlin? What's he got to say 'bout all this?' The King closed his eyes, but Valentine looked eager to respond. Eggsy noticed that the weird cats-eye jewel on the Kings head's pupil moved just like his real eyes.

           

            'He's out doing some official business stuff- you're a surprise.'

           

'Look- I don' know him, and he's a cat. I'm not, so I can't marry him. I ain't marryin' some posh bloke I don't know or care 'bout just cos you lot think this is a great "thank you" gift. I jus' wanna go home and forget all about you tryin' to make a person marry a cat.'

           

            'Is _species_ what you're worried about? Your differences are already taken care of.'

 

            'Yes- it's over half done already.' The King and Valentine grinned as Eggsy began trying to find proof of what they were saying. He lifted a hand to his hair, finding ears, and pulled gently to make sure they weren't fake. Ow. Shit.

           

            'See?' Two of the servants pulled a mirror in front of him, and Eggsy started at the unfamiliar reflection. His ears had certainly moved atop his head, his nose had flattened, his mouth was that weird shape, and as Eggsy put a hand to his face he noticed he had paws. He glanced behind him and was greeted with a tail twitching nervously.

           

'Well, wouldja look at tha'- I'm a cat.' He murmured to himself, idly using his new paws to prod at his face, before screaming bloody murder and running from the room. 'PERCIVAL SHIT'S GETTIN' WEIRD- FUCK!' Percival was inside of a giant glass vase filled with sparkling purple jelly. His eyes were closed, and it didn't look like he was breathing. 'Wha' happened to Percival?!' Eggsy stormed up to Gazelle, claws unsheathed (how had he done that?).

 

            'It seems he had a weakness for catnip jelly- he dove right in.' Well that didn't sit right in Eggsy's mind- if Percival had leapt in with the intention of eating it, how hat he ended up face- _up_ in the vase? But, either way, there was nothing he could do now. Fuck, it was all his fault.

           

'This is all my fault,' Eggsy leapt at the glass, trying to pound his way through. 'You weren't supposed to die, you wanker, get your arse out of there!' His eyes were dry, but his voice was thick, and when they tried to pry him from the surface Eggsy _hissed_ and bared his teeth.

           

            'We'll just bring him with us to the celebration.' Gazelle gestured to two chefs, and they pushed both the container and Eggsy to the ballroom. Which was actually incredibly beautiful- stained glass ceiling, high archways, and tables that look like they were carved straight from mountains all along the edge of the round room. Eggsy was numb, Percival in the enormous glass vase behind him as he sat next to the King.

           

            There were so many difference types of cats there- obviously Egyptian ones with pharaoh-like headdresses, some with incredibly poofy collars like he'd seen once in a museum with old Victorian paintings, others with headscarves and some with fezzes; they were all obviously posh, though. He disliked them on sight, though he did spot Roxy pouring drinks- he was glad to see a familiar (not dead) face.

           

            'Well, I know that humans don't eat mice- but what about my juicy raw fish!' There was a large orange cat next to him, a chef hat upon his head, who was trying to get him to eat. What was it that they didn't get about _not having an appetite_ after seeing and then refusing to leave behind _his friend's corpse_? Let alone that they'd tried to give him mice and now a whole fish- it still had the head and all its scales! Eggsy swore it blinked.

           

            'I don't think he's enjoying himself- begin the entertainment!' The Cat King whispered the first bit to Valentine, but announced the last of it to the room at large who applauded pre-emptively. He needed the courts to see the ex-human smiling to show that they'd been correct. The first set of entertainers were a balancing act, which the audience found impressive- but looking over at Gary, Chester found him still staring blankly at the fish set in front of him.

 

            The next attempted distraction was a duo who specialised in knife-throwing; an attractive female was tied to a target while the male threw squid-shaped blades. None of them made impact, so no blood, but one of the blades nicked the fabric holding her clothing together- she ran from the room covering herself. How embarrassing.

           

            The male was thrown from a window by a pair of masked cats- his screams echoed in the ballroom, and the musicians looked awkwardly between themselves trying to figure out how to dissipate the tension. Eggsy began messing with his paws- contracting the muscles and watching how they twitched, unsheathing and re-sheathing his claws, moving his... fingers?... as wide apart as he was able before relaxing them.

           

            The next cat was bright pink (obviously a dye job) and had eyes and a mouth painted on his stomach. He walked like he was one of those arm-flailing tube things shopping complexes used to grab people's attention back home. He wore a large green bow and carried a bowler hat- which he pulled completely over his head after moving the bow to cover his crotch. It certainly did look like the approximation of a rabbit face, what with his arms looking like the ears- but it certainly wasn't a _tasteful_ act.

           

            Chester glanced around the room just as the cat turned about to bend over and present his arse to him. It had a pair of eyes painted onto it, and the cat folded his arms in just the right way to look like an elephant's ears- his tail obviously the trunk- and that was it. The court was wrinkling their noses, glaring at the pink monstrosity in front of them. Gary was picking up and dropping his fish from his plate, eyes still dull, but Chester thought that perhaps a vapid and broken partner for his son would be better- easier to manipulate, at the very least.

           

            There was laughter, and the sound of silver bouncing- one of the collared cats in the back had snapped into full-bellied laughter even as he saw the rest of the court disgusted by the act. One land covering his mouth while the other slammed the tabletop repeatedly.

           

            He, too, was thrown from the window- his wife prayed for his safe landing.

           

            'Whoever comes next should be infinitely better than the last- understand?' Chester did not speak loudly, though his voice echoed in the silence following a member of the court being ousted via window for deplorable behaviour.

           

            The other court jesters stepped back almost in unison- not one of them believing they would be safe from the King in his obviously simmering rage. They continued collectively inching their way towards the curtained exit- the musicians looking at them enviously- until someone stepped forward. They wore a long, high collared, blue cloak, an obnoxiously huge feathered hat, and an elegant metal mask; no expression on their face as they strode confidently toward the King and his guest.

           

            'Your Majesty, I promise that I can make the young man smile.' The King didn't recognise him, but Valentine shrugged when he looked in askance. What could possibly go wrong? The costumed feline nodded at the King and approached Gary.

                       

            'Excuse me- would you care to dance?' Eggsy shook his head slightly, eyes slightly less dimmed.

           

            'I'm a shit dancer, mate, real meowsy- FUCK now I'm _talkin_ ' like 'em?' The court looked uncomfortable as Eggsy gripped at his head with his paws, but the cat merely extended a hand to him.

           

            'Just trust me.' Well, did he have anything left to lose? The cat's hand curled around his paw, and together they took to the floor. One of the musicians began a waltz on his accordion, and despite having never waltzed before Eggsy didn't injure himself _or_ his dance partner. They spun in slow circles around the edge of the room, easily on display so the court could see that nothing nefarious was happening, and Eggsy looked up in wonder. This was probably the most enjoyable portion of the evening, simply following where this cat was leading like Cinderella and her Prince Charming.

 

            'Well he's entertained now, Your Highness.' Valentine chuckled next to him, as Chester idly glared at the dance floor.

           

            _This is wonderful- I could stay here all day, in his arms, twirling idly across this floor. Even if I had to be a cat to do it_. Eggsy thought to himself, eyes never leaving the face of the taller brown cat  for more than the time it took to come up from a dip or twirl. Until he felt whiskers grow from his face, and gasped, crossing his eyes to look at them.

           

            'Careful Eggsy- try not to lose yourself.' How did he know his name? 'Believe in who you are- I said so before, didn't I?' This time, when their eyes met, Eggsy's widened. 

           

            'Then you've gotta be-'

           

            'Stop the music, and do not move.' The King had risen from his chair and amongst the whispers from the court continued. 'You're not from here- you're not one of my subjects. _Who are you_?' Chester King's eyes looked oddly frantic- _perhaps the old king was going mad_ whispered one of the court; _it would certainly explain a lot_ whispered another.

           

            Well, they can't _all_ go through windows.

           

            'I've been incredibly rude- I apologise. Let me introduce myself; I'm nothing more or less than what you see in front of you.' The feathered hat fell to the ground, and one hand pulled the mask off before turning dramatically. 'My name is Harry Hart- and I've come for Eggsy.' That _fucking_ peacock; but Eggsy grinned and allowed himself to hug him, a few tears of relief escaping.

           

            'Well he is _something else_. Impressive.' Gazelle gave a covert once-over.

           

            'Gazelle's right, he's _fine_.' Valentine lowered his glasses, grinning to himself. A grin that quickly turned to a grimace when he saw Chester's face.

           

            'Seize them! Gary is not going anywhere, and neither is _he_.' Guards came pouring from the curtains, weird camouflaged coats making them seem identical, and the court began to panic. Swords certainly did that to civilians. They scrambled from their seats, running on their two hind legs slower than a toddler escaping bath time. What was the advantage? One of the guards threw knives at Harry, who used the cloak to knock them off course before throwing his mask like a boomerang. It sliced the tops of several spears before hitting the vase that still held Percival's body and shattering the glass.

           

            Percival groaned, eyes widening slightly in panic before he jumped into the fray.

           

            ' _Fuck yeah_ you're still alive, Perce!' Eggsy was a bit busy fighting off several guards back-to-back with Harry. If there was one thing he was really enjoying about his new feline body, it was the flexibility- things he hadn't been able to do since gymnastics as a kid were suddenly viable means of dodging blows and escaping people. Silver linings.

           

            'Take the King to safety, guys.' Chester was nearly frothing at the mouth- nothing was going to plan and now it was going to fall apart completely. It took several of the suited cats to drag the King from the room, and, as Valentine followed at a more sedate pace, he gestured for Gazelle to follow him when she was done directing the court to the emergency exits.

           

            Harry and Eggsy were veritably surrounded, one of the tables at their back and a group of guards in front of them, wondering at their next course of action. They had no weapons of their own, and Eggsy was certainly untrained, but they'd managed thus far.

           

            Percival tripped into one of them, sending the rest of the guards crashing into one another. Eggsy laughed in relief, giving him a thumbs up, which Percival returned before attacking the rest of the guards.

           

            'Psst.' Harry and Eggsy looked down, seeing Roxy kneeling behind the table.

           

'Roxy, you're alrigh'!' Eggsy smiled at her, but she was thoroughly distracted by Harry. He didn't blame her; he was well fit.

           

            'I'm so glad you're able to help Eggsy, Harry.'

           

            'Have we met before?'

           

            'No, but many of us know about you, and Kingsman- you're a great hope to many in the Kingdom.'

           

'Rox I was so fucking stupid- I coulda found a way out when you showed up. I didn' listen. I didn' listen and now I'm a _fucking cat_.' Eggsy only realised how offensive he sounded _after_ he was done, and went to apologise.

           

            'Yes, you were an idiot- but it can still be undone if you hurry. This way out of the castle.' She opened a doorway in the base of the table, just big enough for them to crawl into on all fours.

           

'Wait- what about Percival?'

 

            'It's not as if he's in danger of being turned into a cat, Eggsy. You're the priority.' Harry was taking off the costume, somehow his entire getup had fit beneath it (including the umbrella?) but then again Eggsy's jeans and such had fit beneath the suit, which was useful. Eggsy stripped the beautiful fabric away, briefly mourning the loss, and made his way into the tunnel in his old digs, Harry and Roxy following after.


	8. Chapter 8

            The back of the castle was much of the same- beige with red fish trim- and in a corner sat the cats that had been thrown from the windows. They were leaned against one another, eyes closed, but they _breathed_ which meant that they had somehow survived the several-storey drop.

 

        Fucking cats.

 

            But, they were out, and that's what mattered.

           

            'Eggsy, pay attention- the door to your world's at the top of that tower,' Roxy pointed to the tallest of the towers in the distance, one that looked to half be made of some sort of spiked coral.

           

'You're takin' the _fucking_ piss, yeah?'

           

            'But the only way to that tower is through the King's maze.' She continued, as if Eggsy hadn't spoken, and gestured below them, to what had to be the largest labyrinth he had ever seen. Or imagined. It reminded him of that Greek myth with the Minotaur. Or that David Bowie film.

           

            'Naturally.' Harry leant wholly against the stone railing before them with one hand, the other covered his face while he shook his head.

           

            'Good luck.'

           

'Wait, Rox- ain't you comin' with us?'

           

            'Not on your life- I _hate_ heights. You'll be fine. And, Harry? Take care of Eggsy.' Harry nodded, even as Eggsy spluttered his refusal on account of being _perfectly grown, thanks_ and _I can take care of meself!_

 

'Hey. wait. where'd she go?'

           

            'While you were busy being unnecessarily dramatic about someone showing care for you, she ran off- presumably to do her other duties as a servant of the castle.' Eggsy blushed, but met his gaze readily.

           

'But I didn' even get to thank her for helpin' us out!'

           

            'It happens- and you can always send thanks later. Is she familiar to you? She seemed to know you quite well.' Harry stepped forward, top hat tilted upon his head, which Eggsy reached up to fix for him without thought. 'Could she have been the voice you were talking about before- the one who told you to find Kingsman?' Eggsy didn't flush as Harry stepped back, though it was a near thing.

           

            'Y'know what I'm pretty sure it was- wonder how she managed that one- and why'd she wanna help me?' There was a crash from above them, followed by the sight of Percival sliding down the side of the tower. 'How the fuck is he doing that without his claws poppin' off?'

           

            'Practise, I suspect; though I wouldn't suggest trying it.'

           

            'Oh I won't need that- we're goin' up not down. An' I doubt you'd get enough grip on these walls to climb that way- claws or not.' Eggsy was looking pensively at the wall, slight frown on his incredibly cat-featured face, while Harry simply shook his head in astonishment. Only Eggsy would take his sarcastic comment as an actual critique.

           

            'What were you two _thinking_ , leaving me there?'

           

            'That you could handle yourself- it was a demonstration of trust, Percival.'

           

            'That you was an excellent distraction- seriously, mate, no idea someone your size could fight like tha'.'

           

            'What do you mean _my size_?'

           

'It ain't like you're my size, Perce-'

           

            'It's _Percival_ , brat.' There was a glare on his face, but there were also some suspicious crinkles around the edges of his eyes, Harry noted. He actually _liked_ Eggsy, then- unusual, but a pleasant change from the norm. Instead of trying to break apart the argument neither of them were actually interested in, Harry simply walked off to find the entrance to the labyrinth that stood between them and their goal.

           

            High up in the palace Gazelle, Valentine, and Chester King stood on a balcony, watching the proceedings though they had no hope of hearing their conversations; cat ears are only so sensitive, after all.

           

            'They're going in, Your Highness. I'm excited; no one's gotten out alive yet, have they?'

           

            'Not yet, and it certainly won't start today- we can watch them fail from here.'

           

            Eggsy thought he had a fair bit of endurance, yeah?  But there was only so much time you could spend running around frantically trying to find the way out of a labyrinth before exhausting yourself- never mind the perpetual heat of the Cat Kingdom. So he decided it was better to follow Harry's lead than split up and end up utterly fucked- Harry was an intelligent bloke, he'd find the way.

           

            But even Harry was taking unusually large strides incredibly quickly, peering around corners in a bid to find dead ends and eliminate them from their possible routes. He'd call it frantic, if he had anything more than a few hours interaction to base it on.

           

            'Come, Eggsy- there isn't much time.' Okay, so he _wasn't_ imagining it; Harry's urgency was made only more clear by his tone.

 

'Relax, guv, it's noon we got plenty of time.'

 

            'It's always noon in the Cat Kingdom, Eggsy.'

           

'Fuck.'

 

            'Back home, it's after midnight. Couldn't tell you the exact time- they don't make watches my size that actually _work_ \- but it's definitely after midnight. It's been a very long day, indeed, since you were taken from Kingsman near sunrise.'

           

            'Why didn' you _say_ anythin'? We've gotta go _way_ faster.' Eggsy ran ahead, trying to figure out where the dead ends were much as Harry had been doing, full blown running from one gap to another. The heat had not lessened, it would not lessen, and Eggsy had no idea of how to get through this. 'Which way, then?'

 

            'They are lost already.' Gazelle set aside the binoculars on the edge of the balcony, grinning widely at Valentine who stood beside her.

 

            'Yeah, Your Majesty, they're doing worse than most of the suckers we throw in there.' The Cat King chuckled, sipping idly on a drink as he watched the proceedings from the cat's-eye cams. 'Gazzy where's the guards? They always make things more interesting.'

 

            'Just leaving the barracks now.' And sure enough a group of camouflauge-pelted cats were emerging from the base of their tower, setting out to march atop the walls of the labyrinth.

 

            Those within the labyrinth took no notice of them, busy trying to discern a good path from a bad one before giving up entirely.

           

            'Well, nothing for it, let's just try this path. Keep your eyes on the tower so we can see if we're getting any closer, and if we keep track of where we've been already we should be out of here pretty quickly.' Harry grasped his umbrella in both hands, nodding once before turning to start his way down the path.

           

            'Good idea.' Eggsy followed close behind, before noticing a distinct _lack_ of presence at his back. 'Percival, the fuck are you doin'?' Percival was in the process of pulling himself atop the maze's wall, a difficult feat with his size and the lack of traction. 'Tha's _cheating_.'

           

            'Oh like I'm going to get in trouble for trying to get a better vantage point?' He scoffed, taking a moment to pull himself together before standing fully.

           

            'He's CHEATING!' _Well that lasted all of two seconds_ Percival thought to himself, running from the guards and shaking his head ruefully.

           

            'Let's hurry this along, then, shall we? Percival seems to have them under control.'

           

            'Hart "it was a demonstration of trust" my arse; he just likes having an easy distraction. He could have just _asked_ instead of making me look the fool.' It's lucky that Percival kept himself in shape, and knew his body's balance well enough to turn on a dime; because the guards, for all their training, did _not_. It was obvious that they were more show than skill, especially when all it took was a few sharp turns to throw them enough off balance to fall into the labyrinth themselves. 'Enjoy the headache, bastards.'

           

            Harry and Eggsy came to a staggering halt in front of two of the fallen guards, surprised, but Harry merely nudged Eggsy behind him lightly, Umbrella held up to block any incoming attack. Eggsy was pretty great at running, but not so much at the fighting bit, especially with his whole body not really feeling his own anymore. Harry bounced once on the balls of his feet (feet? He wore shoes) before lunging forward, the guard leant backward in surprise as Harry used the handle to swing him around and into the wall. The other guard looked shocked, sword held in a shaky hand, but did not back down as Harry strode forward. He struck at the guard's arms, hitting his wrist to cause him to let go of the sword, his ankle, his arm again, before finally holding the umbrella in both hands to bodily shove him into a wall. No bones broken, but neither of them would be anxious to follow them upon gaining consciousness.

           

            Eggsy, meanwhile, was more than a little turned on by the display. Felt a bit like a seduced bird of paradise, to be honest, which did not help him in keeping hold of his slowly fading humanity.

           

'I didn' know a brolly could be so useful.'

           

            'They're good for more than keeping dry, Eggsy- most things can serve more than one purpose.'  They moved on, side by side, more sedately than before- they didn't know if there were more guards on their path that they would need to fight against.

 

            'There seems to be a bit of a problem, Your Majesty. The guards are scattered everywhere.' Gazelle had pointed it out, though it was Valentine who spoke to the King.

           

            'Oh, don't tell me they're so incompetent as to get lost themselves.'

           

            'Seems so.'

 

            'Well, where's the human?'

           

            'He and Hart are over halfway through! Way better than the last victims.' Valentine seemed almost proud of their accomplishment, but Chester King growled and pushed the binoculars off the edge. Useless. Incompetent guards, and apparently fair-weather advisors, what was his Kingdom coming to?

           

            'Perce! You found us!' Eggsy smiled (or, he hoped it translated well, he _tried_ to smile but cat mouths were _weird_ ) and waved, which Percival halfheartedly returned.

           

            'Well, what's that way like?' Harry got straight to business, though he did sound more than a bit relieved to see Percival unharmed.

           

            'All dead ends.'

           

            'Well let's try this way, then.' Fur didn't let off heat the same way skin did, Eggsy learned the hard way. He didn't feel sweat pouring off him like he normally would after being in the noonday sun for any sort of prolonged time- instead he just felt the sun hitting his fur and _staying_ there. Like hair, but thicker, and it was fucking uncomfortable- his clothes weren't helping, to be honest, but he'd rather be clothed and uncomfortable than naked. Especially if he managed to actually get his humanity back- that would be awkward in a variety of ways, the least of which being dependent on his proximity to Harry. _Human thoughts, Eggsy. Human thoughts. Ryan and Jamal, mum and Daisy..._

           

            'Yet another dead end- this is _interesting_.' If by "interesting" Harry meant "incredibly fucking frustrating" then Eggsy was in wholehearted agreement. The tower hadn't gotten any closer in what seemed like ages, and as Eggsy went over their steps in his head (two lefts, a right, another left...)

           

            'Oi, wait a tick, we've been through 'ere before!'

           

            'Hmm?' Harry looked back over his shoulder from his place in the alcove.

           

            'We've come through 'ere before, and there weren't a wall here then. Somethin' ain't right.' He gestured to one side, and Harry stepped forward as if to discern the truth of Eggsy's words for himself.

           

            'Are you certain that the heat hasn't gotten to you, Eggsy?'

           

            'Percy, lemme ask you, why the _fuck_ is it that every time I open my mouth you got a problem with what comes out? Talk about the voice tellin' me 'bout Kingsman, somethin's wrong with my head; point out that we were here like five bloody minutes ago and there weren't a wall here, and the heat's gettin' to me.'

           

            'You have to admit that my conclusion at least makes more sense than _walls with legs_.'

           

            'And yet again, Percival, it seems that Eggsy isn't hallucinating. The bricks here don't match the rest of the wall- this wall is _fake_!' Harry reared back and kicked solidly at the bit of wall before him, and Eggsy held out an arm to steady him after the impact. The wall did, indeed, begin to fall- with a yowl that explained the movement- and unexpectedly hit another fake wall. And another. And another.

           

'I tol' you so!'

           

            'Bloody well done, Eggsy.'

           

            'Yes, fine, well done; now let's get out of here.'

 

             'How stupid do you have to be to line up like _dominoes_? I'm going to wring their imbecilic necks myself.' Up in the tower, Chester King was practically frothing at the mouth- not only did he get humiliated in front of the Court but now he was going to lose to the _human_. He ran down the hall, took the life to the bottom, and made his way out to the labyrinth walls much like the guards had. At least now there was no trickery to keep him lost if he were to fall from the edge, and no one knew these paths like he did.

 

            'Your Majesty, _slow down_ you're never gonna make it in time, they've got too much of a head start. Besides, there's more guards stationed in the tower, they'll stop 'em.' The Cat King slowed his pace, thoughtful, before stopping completely.

 

            'Well, this isn't as good of a view as before, but we can watch from here just as well.' Chester smirked; Hart led the trio, Gary just behind, who were running fairly quickly before a portion of the tower opened in front of them. Guards spilled forth, lined up single file on the staircase, and he smirked as the rebellious trio backed away- Hart holding his umbrella like some kind of rapier. The guards advanced forward, slowly pushing them down the tower, when there was a cracking sound, and the stairs began to crumble away along with a good portion of the tower itself.

           

            'I'll talk with the contractors- we don't pay them to make shitty things.'

           

            'It's too late for that, Valentine- they're going to escape! I'll have to use the failsafe.'

           

            'No way, man! Think about it- your approval ratings would plummet and we'd have all that gore to clean up. The blood. Ugh.' Valentine shuddered. 'And our guys are still there- and you're super close! You don't wanna get hurt, do you?'

           

            'Button.' He held out a paw, eyes still locked on Hart and Gary making their way up the tower.

           

            'I don't got it, man. I guess I left it upstairs. I know! Why don't we all go back for it?'

           

            'Look what I found!' Gazelle held up the switch, smiling, bright red button mocking Valentine as she set it in the King's palm.

           

            'Alrigh' we're over halfway there!' Eggsy panted, leaning against part of the coral-esque portion of the tower. The heat had only gotten worse the high up they'd gotten- Harry had carried him part way. Embarrassing, but it wouldn't have been smart to be the one left behind when it was his sorry arse that needed to get to the top of the tower in the first place.

           

            'Yes, we're nearly there Eggsy- not much further now.'

           

            The tower below them exploded.

           

            Not all at once, mind, but in a series of smaller explosions that shook the tower but gave them enough time to try and get secure. Harry pressed himself against Eggsy's back, hands gripping the sides of the column fiercely, Percival trying to do the same on the other side of the column. Eggsy was incredibly grateful that Harry had him, no matter the thoughts his proximity brought. He wasn't confident in his ability to do more than hook his claws into cloth- though that ability did save his skin when the tower lurched and caused him to lose balance and nearly fly off.

           

            'Is everyone alright?' Harry stood, having pulled a handkerchief from who knew where and was trying to wipe the dust and debris from his suit. A useless endeavour, but if it made him feel better Eggsy wouldn't begrudge him for it.

           

            'I'm fine, Harry- stomach's a bit queasy though; perhaps I ate too much earlier.'

           

            'Oh yes, I'm certain your upset stomach has everything to do with your eating habits and nothing to do with the unexpected _explosion_ we just survived.'

           

            'If you lot're done messin' about I'd like to point out that we're back where we _fucking_ started.'

           

            'Well what do _you_ think we should do now, Eggsy?'

           

            'We're stuck here, ain't we? Like, the tower's broken, no way for me to get back. Guess we gotta wait and try to reason with the King- he's gotta have another way out of 'ere. I can't imagine that whole parade I got scalin' this tower just to say "thank you" to little ol' me.'

           

            'So we sit and wait?' Percival sounded sceptical, but offered no alternative.

           

            'Nothing else we _can_ do; not that I can think of.' Harry agreed, the three of them turning to seat themselves on the floor of the ruined tower and wait.


	9. Chapter 9

            ' _Harry_ _Hart_ ,' The Cat King purred, mismatched eyes falsely soft, 'how _wonderful_ to see you again. Gary, would you accompany me back to the castle?' Harry used his top hat as a fan while Eggsy sat with his eyes closed, both ignoring the King. Eggsy instead looked to Percival, a small smirk on his face.

           

'Do I have to?'

           

            'Being a cat isn't _that_ awful, is it?'

           

'But _mice_ , Percy! They want me to eat _mice_ and _enjoy it_!'

           

            'Yes well that _is_ a bit distasteful- perhaps you should stick to fish.'

           

            'You shouldn't give up so easily, Eggsy.' Harry interrupted, looking into the distance with a small smile on his face. Following his line of sight, Eggsy watched as from the base of another tower emerged a group of uniformed cats, standing at attention much as Eggsy had done in his stint with the Marines, the last of which turned out to be Merlin himself- at least that's who it looked like, from this distance. His pelt was the same colour, though he wore a white jacket with at least one medal on it (were there wars with the dog kingdom or something?) and looked at the rubble in wide-eyed shock.

           

            'Father!' Yep, seemed to be Merlin, apparently ahead of schedule if the King's look was anything to go on. Valentine was scrambling to get the guards into something resembling order as Prince Merlin and his fellows came into the remains of the tower, some of his fancier guards taking longer than others.

           

            'Roxy got a message out to me saying I had to get here as soon as possible- care to explain?' Well, the Prince certainly had no qualms with speaking up against his father.

           

            'Eggsy! I'm so glad Merlin made it in time- I wasn't sure...' Roxy ran up to them and sat herself next to Eggsy, watching the King and Prince interact with the polite disinterest only years of experience can cultivate.

           

            'I just wanted to thank the kid who rescued you- The courts suggested and I agreed that having him as your husband would be ideal so-'

           

            'Without consulting me? I've already had my eyes and heart set on someone else- in fact, I'd planned on asking Roxanne when I returned.' Roxy gasped, even as the King hissed his displeasure, and Eggsy looked at her making sure she was alright; her eyes were wide, but she didn't seem too terribly shocked. They were courting, then.

           

            'You know I think Merlin and I would get along quite nicely.' Harry commented as one of the guards came forward. In his paws he held a box- what looked to be the same box that Eggsy had saved with him from that truck and caused all this mess- which Merlin placed before Roxy.

           

            'I travelled to your old home to get these for you, lass...' Merlin looked almost sheepish, which Eggsy couldn't blame him for, as Roxy pulled the ribbon and opened the box. Things like personal gifts and proposals were meant for private affairs, after all.

           

            'I haven't had these in _years_ ' Roxy whispered, one paw covering her mouth while the other grazed over the fish-shaped crackers.

           

            'I loved those as a kid, Roxy- good taste.'

           

            'I know, Eggsy- you shared a whole box of them with me when I was a stray.'

 

            'Wai'- that was _you_? You're so gorgeous now I never woulda guessed that filthy kitten was you!'

           

            'Roxanne-' She turned back to Merlin, a slight flush upon her cheeks visible even through her fur. 'Would you accept these crackers as a symbol of my love for you? For as long as our nine lives shall last?' She nodded, clutching the ribbon from the box between her paws as if to keep herself from reaching out. Merlin looked much the same, like royal manners were keeping him in line.

           

            Eggsy had no such compunctions, leaning forward to embrace Roxy eagerly. 'I'm so bloody happy for you!'

           

            'Thanks, Eggsy- if you hadn't shared your food with me back then I might not be alive today.'

           

            'And if you hadn't saved me from my single-mindedness I wouldn't be either. We both owe you our _lives_. And, it might not be a consolation for what my father's done, but I managed to track down how I _actually_ intended to thank you for saving my life.' He waved one of his guard forward, who took his had off and wrung it between his paws. 'Eggsy, I'd like to introduce you to Lee Unwin- unless I'm very much mistaken he's your dad.'

           

            'Harry Hart, you cryptic bastard. "consequence he could not bear" the fuck couldn't you just tell me he went and got himself turned into a cat?'

           

            'Uh- that would be my fault.' The voice wasn't one that Eggsy recognised, but it felt familiar in the way a childhood blanket is familiar- there may be many like it, but that one is particular. There's a pulled thread, or slight discolouration; but voices don't get that very often. 'I- I asked Mr. Hart not to tell you or your mum what'd happened to me. I was... ashamed, I guess, that I managed to do this shit to meself, and I wanted her to remember me as I was. As _human_. I'm sorry that I left you all to fend for yourselves, I just- I didn't know what to do.'

           

            'Yeah, well, that's a bit o' shit, innit? Runnin' off instead of mannin' up t'your mistakes?' Lee flinched, and that was enough for Eggsy- one could falsify nerves and often guilt in some form- but some things were too instinctual to fake. Eggsy sighed, chuckling to himself, 'an' look at the pair of us now, neither of us human just cos we decided to be nice. Should stop that.'

           

            'Yeah, well, I'm pretty sure you'd rather no da than having to explain to people why you're talkin' to a cat all the time. Anyhow, it's too little too late, for one of us at least. Imagine parent-teacher conferences.' Eggsy and Lee simply stared at one another for a moment before devolving into giggles, oblivious to those around them. The Cat King was growing angrier by the minute, Valentine watching warily, before he stalked forward and pulled Lee from Eggsy forcefully before tossing him aside.

           

            'Oi! Hands off my dad, y'old geezer, I only just got him back-'

           

            'And you won't have him much longer- the moment your transformation is done I'm casting you right back where you came from. Enjoy life from the streets.'

           

            'Tha's it. Fuck off. I only came to your stupid castle in the first place to be polite and I was outnumbered; I got no intention of puttin' up with your posh arse for a moment more than I have to and I'd rather be a _toad_ for the rest of my fucking life than see your face again.'

           

            'All done playing nice then, Eggsy?' Percival stood behind him, who had gotten up at some point he couldn't recall in order to yell at the King directly. Eggsy nodded, not trusting himself to open his mouth without yelling more obscenities. 'Well, let it be known that I admire your restraint though I have none of my own, and respect your life choices even if they're not the most intelligent ones.So let it be known that I, Alastair, am on your side.' Sudden whispers broke out amongst the guardsmen, Gazelle looked lost, but Valentine looked horrified.

           

            'So _that's_ who he is.'

           

            'Who?'

           

            'How could you forget Alastair, Your Majesty? It's one funky name- and he was so notorious his story's painted on these walls!' He gestured, dust coming off of his still-somehow-obscenely-bright clothing. 'Years and years ago a huge grey cat showed up outta nowhere, ate all the fish in the lake, and ran off! We were importing fish for months to get shit back on track- the guy called himself Alastair.'

           

            'Did y'actually do that, Percy?' Eggsy was laughing as he helped his dad to his feet, while Harry looked like he had just bitten into a raw lemon.

           

            'Percival, that's disgusting; I didn't need to know that under _any_ circumstances.' Percival laughed, gently pushing Eggsy and Lee behind him as he stepped forward. The others flinched backward, horrified, and that was before he'd bothered to open his mouth.

 

            'It's been a long time since then, Harry- I think I'll set my goals a bit higher this time. The castle, perhaps.' He buffed his claws on his chest and glanced at them idly, one eye peering over towards the King. Valentine squealed, toppling backward with such a lack of grace that Eggsy wondered if he was feline after all.

           

            'Get the King to safety, man. And me, too, get us the hell outta here.' The tuxedo'd cats pulled the King away, Valentine following behind, when suddenly the King made a break for it- for all his fur and girth he was still agile when he wanted to be, apparently. He slipped from the bodyguard's arms, ran through the armed guards, and made to lunge through Merlin's Guard who had set to building a perimeter around Eggsy and the others. It didn't work, thankfully- Merlin's people were good at what they did and Lee, though he looked incredibly amused by Percival's antics, looked up worriedly.

           

            'Alright, lad- I'll keep the King off your back, get your arse up those steps quick as you can.'

           

            'But the tower collapsed- how will we escape?'

           

'Yeah I don't much fancy fallin' off the top of this thing.'

 

            'Oh the exit's still there- but you'll have to hurry.'

           

            'Shit, Eggsy the sun's rising-' Lee looked frantic, a wide-eyed worry and shakiness in his legs. 'I can' let you end up like me- not the both of us. Not if I can help it.'

           

            'I'll get him to the exit, Lee. Or as close as I can manage, anyway. Eggsy are you ready to fly?'

           

'The fuck are you on abOUT' Percival picked Eggsy up in one arm and threw him upward, like a baseball. If it hadn't been such a surprise, Eggsy would have enjoyed the moment, the wind in his fur (and wasn't that an odd sensation?), but as it was he landed on all fours and looked down- he was about halfway up the tower. Okay. _Now I just gotta run for it_.

 

            'Run, Eggsy!' Harry yelled, and Eggsy paused to wave goodbye to Roxy before he set off running. They could handle themselves- and it wasn't like any of _them_ were in danger of being turned into a cat, as Harry'd pointed out to him earlier.

           

            'Good luck! And thank you!' Two of Merlin's Guard came and escorted Roxy back towards the castle, as Merlin turned around to join the fray surrounding his father. _Well, I guess savin' Merlin wasn't all that bad a decision after all._

           

            Running in trainers with cat feet was awkward and annoying. If Eggsy's end goal hadn't been to eventually have human feet again he'd shuck the shoes completely, but as it was he'd just end up down a pair of shoes wherever he ended up and walking home barefoot was never a good idea. So he dealt with it and ran anyway- it was definitely the weirdest circumstances he was running for his life in, but not the most dire. Even if he failed (though he hoped to all that existed that he didn't) it turned out that he'd still have a family, and friends, on the Cat side; he wondered if, after all of this was done, he'd be able to contact his dad. He hoped to- he didn't much need a dad, now, but it'd be nice to have that connection.

           

            Eggsy didn't let himself think about anything besides getting to the top despite the head start. The sun kept rising, and he knew that if he stopped, even for a moment, he'd be fucked. He didn't notice his feet slowly growing back to their normal size or his whiskers growing shorter, or even the ears moving down his head in minuscule movements; his eyes were trained on the sky, and his running was louder than the heartbeat in his ears. _I'm almost there, I'm almost there, so close._

 

            'FATHER! Get down from there before you get hurt. Let Eggsy go.' Chester King had decided to climb the tower from the outside. Oh, there were spike-like balconies every hundred metres or so but the King was in no physical condition to be attempting such a thing- Merlin chalked his success to adrenaline.

           

            'I'll not be bested by a _human,_ son. I'll not have him leave here knowing about our world.' Chester King paused, adjusting the swords he'd nabbed from the guards and strapped to his back. 'I'll not have him leaving at all.'

           

            Inside the tower Lee and Harry were running up the stairs, hoping to be of help if Eggsy were to stumble or pause for breath or something else potentially disastrous.

           

            'Oi! What're you doin' Your Majesty?' Lee had stopped, causing Harry to turn, only to find the King leaning in from a window a little above them. He had weapons, and a murderous look on his face.

           

            'I'm on my way to stop the boy, of course. Can't have him leaving, not now that he knows.'

           

            'You ain't touchin' my son.'

           

            'Oh, you're one of _them_? It's a wonder you'e gained employment in my son's Guard- I'll be sure to fix that once I've handled this.'

           

            'Not sure you understood me, King- you. Are. Not. Touching. My Son.'

           

            'Come and stop me- I'll even be gracious and lend you a weapon.' He threw one of the swords across the gap, embedding it in the wall next to Lee's head.

           

            'With pleasure. Harry, take care of Eggsy, yeah?' Harry nodded, placing one hand on his shoulder in a silent offer of luck, and ran the steps two at a time. Lee pulled the sword from the wall and climbed out the window the King had peered in from. The balcony had no rail- looked like a spike cut in half and glued to the side- and Lee was suddenly incredibly grateful that he wasn't afraid of heights. He eyed the King warily as he took his spot on the outer edge of the balcony- tradition stated duels took place ten paces apart, and the King obviously wanted to start closer to safety.

 

            Lee raised the sword two-handed over one shoulder, and the moment he locked eyes with his opponent the mad King ran at him. Though his eyes were crazed, his intent was clear and there was no doubt in his grip- Lee decided quickly that his only chance was to outmaneuver him. He ran forward, silently fuming, only to jump right as their blades clashed. He grunted with the effort of pushing the King's blade away from his shoulder and making his move, but managed to come away with barely a nick by his neck before landing with his back facing the deranged King.

           

            The King, on the other hand, spun about angrily when he heard Lee land without an exclamation of pain. The jewel upon his brow, the jewel that gave him magic and influence, the crown of the Cat Kingdom, shattered. It left a jagged circlet of purple crystal in its wake, and if that permanent damage were not enough, his fur fell away. Lee had managed to shave the Cat King, humiliating him, and hearing the fur rustle away in the wind he smiled. _Well, at least this time I managed to help him._


	10. Chapter 10

            Well, one of two things was true- either Eggsy had gained some of his human height, or the rim of the tower's exit was really fucking low. Either way, it was incredibly easy to lift himself out of the tower and perch on the rim- just as the sun was peering over the horizon.

           

            'What the FUCK?' Eggsy knew he was yelling, but was hard-pressed to stop himself when all he could see was an expanse of city that looked smaller than the view from a plane window. Like one of those paintings made of dots that you could only tell what it was from a distance. Apparently, there was a hole in the sky. _Not a fun time_ , he thought to himself, bracing against the chill and wind, _to be in a t-shirt and denims_.

           

            Harry made it to the exit just as Eggsy lost his balance, the wind pushing him off the edge of the tower. He grabbed for Eggsy before thinking it through, Eggsy's restored humanity making it nigh impossible to keep hold as he, too, was pulled from the tower. Harry managed to plant his feet under the edge of the rim, hands grasping one of Eggsy's wrists and the rim of the tower digging painfully into his stomach as he tried to buy some time. Percival would be coming up shortly, hopefully; and James and he's Creation magic attracted one another- now that he was back in the real world (kind of) he'd sense what was happening.

           

            'Looks like we're going skydiving, Eggsy- I can't hold on any longer.' Was the only warning Harry managed to give before his feet slid and they both toppled off into the air. Percival's voice faded behind them, a scream he couldn't understand through the roar of the wind, but soon enough he, too, was falling beside them. 'Eggsy, spread your arms; we'll slow down a bit if we're not curled up, and it will give James a bit more time to gather help.'

           

'How the fuck is he gonna help us, Harry? He's a crow- a stone one, yeah, but still a crow- can't carry me or anythin' so-'

           

            'Just trust me.'

           

'Yes, Harry.' Opening his arms was easy enough, though he was still a bit wary of _free falling without a parachute_ but Harry had said James would help them. Harry had managed to get him out of the Cat Kingdom as human as he had gone in- he trusted his word. 'You sure we're still alive? I'm a bit convinced I'm either dreamin' or dead, to be honest. Th' view's nice, tho.'

           

            'We're alive, Eggsy- and it will be staying that way.'

           

'Oi, Percy.'

           

            'Yes, Eggsy?' He'd given up on stopping him from shortening his chosen name, but that didn't mean he had to enjoy it. He also had no means of escaping him, at present, so it was the prudent choice to answer him.

           

'Your name's Alastair, yeah?'

 

            'Yes?'

 

'C'n I call you Ali?'

 

            'I'd sooner rip your tongue out and eat it myself.'

 

'Alice?'

 

            'You know-'

 

            'Oh, look!' Harry pointed out a black mass in the distance, a small dot slowly growing larger and all too soon the three of them were in the midst of it. Crows, hundreds of them, buffering their fall through the sky and moving Eggsy upright. He found himself walking, Harry perched on his shoulder and Percival walking upright beside him. _How the fuck?_ He looked down.

 

            He was walking on crows. Literally. Actual crows, not stone ones like James (he assumed, there couldn't be that many living statues in the greater London area, could there?) and somehow he wasn't falling through them. Maybe crows were stronger than he'd thought they were. Or maybe it was magic.

           

            'Hey, Percy, what do you think about getting saved by a bunch of "chickens"?' James flew up beside them, and you could _feel_ how smug James was to be able to insult Percival without repercussion.

           

            'It certainly took you long enough- we could have died.' Percival upturned his nose, looking much like a child who did not want to eat his greens, but Eggsy could see a slight smile on his face. He guessed that they simply didn't know how to communicate in anything other than insults.

           

            'Perfect timing, James!'

           

            'I'm just glad there were enough of us in the area- took a bit to find them all, though. The problem with birds as friends is there's no for sure place to find them- no one's got a home address for you to pop by.'

           

'Y'sure I ain't too heavy? I'm definitely not Harry-sized.'

 

            'Oh you're light as a feather, Eggsy.' They snickered to one another, Eggsy's tension and shock of having nearly died fading away. Not entirely, his heart was still pounding and his breath def picked up when he glanced down- the buildings were still far enough away to mean he'd die if he fell- but he wasn't free-falling. Or stuck as a cat. All good things, so he felt free to joke. 'Now, Eggsy, anywhere in particular you want to end up?'

           

'Well, what day 's'it?'

           

            'Monday morning.'

 

'Fuck. Well, I'm takin' a mental health day- doubt anyone'd blame me, if they knew what this weekend's been like. C'n I come back with you?'

           

            'Kingsman's doors will be open for you be it day or night, Eggsy- you can always come when you need us. Even for something as simple as a place to hide away for a while.' The crows in the distance shifted their path and instead of heading towards what was probably a building on his Uni's campus they're going up and past it. The crows keep cycling through, the ones behind flying ahead, and Eggsy is still baffled at their ability to keep him up in the air.

 

            They make it to Kingsman just as the heat's getting too much to bear without some kind of rest and refreshment. The lamps are still on, though Harry does _something_ with his hands that shuts them off when they land, and the door was wide open revealing the chaos inside.

           

            'Shit, mate, I'm sorry 'bout the mess. I'll help clean up, swear down-' Eggsy cut himself off, astonished as things picked themselves up off the floor and went back to their proper places. A set of teacups pulled back together, no sign that they had ever shattered. 'What the hell?'

           

            'What, did you think the Cat Kingdom was the only place with magic, Eggsy?' Percival pushed past him, pulling a newspaper from the mailbox before seating himself. An odd echo of when he'd arrived last.

           

'Well, no, but I thought that the magic was in you lot- not the _place._ '

           

            'And why shouldn't both be true?' Harry asked, still perched on his shoulder with a satisfied smile on his lips.

           

            'I- I dunno.'

 

            'Well, now that that's settled, how about I put on some tea?' Harry slid deftly down Eggsy's arm, using the hook of his brolly to steady himself upon landing.

           

            'Sounds good.' Eggsy made his way inside the house, much more at ease than he had been the last time. That probably had a bit to do with knowing where he was, and knowing that he wasn't going to be kidnapped. Took a lot of weight off his shoulders, that did. He wanted to stay here forever.

           

            'Milk or lemon?'

 

            'Milk- an' sugar if y'got any.' Harry nodded, and moments later he was handed what he assumed was another deceptively tiny cup, this one with a saucer. One from the set that had pulled itself back together when they'd arrived.

           

            'This is a blend I made myself- I have a fair bit of spare time, and making tea is as good a hobby as any- so I can't guarantee it'll be to your taste.' Warily, now, Eggsy lifted the cup to his lips and took a sip.

 

            And promptly took a gulp immediately after, grateful that the magic cup allowed him to do so.

           

'This is the best shit I've ever tasted. I want to drink it for days.'

           

            'Then you're in luck; I have something for you. From Merlin.' From his pocket Harry pulled a familiar medal, though it was far smaller than it had been when he saw it last. 'This is its normal size, actually- magic's incredibly useful, you know.' Eggsy hadn't realised he'd been speaking aloud. Harry placed it on the coffee table and snapped his fingers, and by the time Eggsy had blinked the medal was large again. He reached out a hand, intent putting it back where it belonged around his neck, before pausing. He'd used the favour, now- what if Harry wanted it back?

 

            'Are you going to put it on, or keep staring at it like an idiot?' Percival wandered into the house, tossing the newspaper into a nearby bin, grabbing what looked like cake from a cupboard. The comment was enough to spark Eggsy back into movement, throwing the chain over his head the same way he had every morning for as long as he could remember.

           

            'Well then.' Eggsy looked around the house, for the first time able to appreciate it properly. 'Don't feel so much like a dollhouse from down here.' He took a sip from his teacup, which now sat comfortably in his... palm? 'Huh.' Eggsy slid down the chest and placed the teacup on the coffee table, then held up his hands in front of his face. 'Well, this is the weirdest part of this weekend.'

 

            Harry, meanwhile, was looking at him in a mix of shock and awe. Obviously, he hadn't known what all the medal would do- but he enjoyed the results. Hm.

 

            'This what your hands look like, 'neath the gloves?'

           

            'Yes, actually- the artisan who created me didn't carve them himself, but I guess whatever magic gave me a soul decided to guess as to what a half-cat would look like on the whole. After all these years I'm actually quite grateful that it lets be change clothes at all, considering I was carved into this suit. Cleaning up after adventures like this would be a nightmare.' Harry was rambling, simply letting his mouth go, and Eggsy found it incredibly amusing that Harry was freaking out more than he was. After flexing his fingers for a mo, watching in fascination as the nails retracted like claws, he walked off in search of a mirror. Percival pointed out the loo, looking incredibly amused.

           

            He looked like he had in the Castle, ears high upon his head and a tail protruding from the back- but his hair was still the same, messy and windswept. Yeah, he had a cat's face and fur all over the place but he looked far more like himself. _The flexibility is gonna be_ awesome. It was the one thing he'd regretted about the rush to escape the Cat Kingdom- he'd never had the chance to test his limits. He wondered what the limits of the medal were, as well- magic was weird.

           

            He thought real hard about the way his normal hands felt. The way his fingertips would brush through his sister's hair, the way his palms would slap against the wall when he was trying to find a grip, the sensation of running water going down his wrist and dripping from his fingertips; he thought about his humanity in fragments. He watched as the retractable nails flattened, the toe beans (cos what else do you call them) melting together into a solid finger, the fur retracting into his skin, and in the mirror he saw his face come out from where it had been hidden by the fur and odd jawline.

           

            He felt like an Animorph.

           

            He walked back out into the main room, human as you please excepting the size, and flopped easily onto the antique looking chair next to Harry's since Percival had taken to lying across the entire sofa.

           

            'So, Haz, what's got your knickers in a twist?'

           

            ' _Excuse_ _me_? Harry spluttered, as Eggsy reached forward to pick back up his seemingly endless cup of tea. 'You've just shrunk several feet in height and changed _species_ after we just spent the weekend trying to prevent _just such an occurrence_.'

           

            'Yeah, but this ain't permanent- see?' Eggsy gestured to himself, and Harry actually took the time to _look_ at Eggsy since he'd walked off. 'I can do what I want with it- just depends on what I'm thinkin' about.' He made a grand show of lifting his hand and changing it into a paw and back. 'No big deal.'

           

            'Ah.' Harry took a moment to pull himself together, pulling a hand down his face and sighing heavily. 'And what, precisely, were you thinking about to garner such a result?'

           

            'Uh-' Eggsy blushed, looking away, a tail popped into being and twitched slightly behind him. 'Well, to be honest, I- uh- was thinkin' about wanting to belong here.' _With you_ he thought to himself as he rubbed the back of his head with one hand, refusing to make eye contact.

 

            'You don't have to change yourself to belong, Eggsy- Hemingway put it best, I think- nobility is being superior to your former self, and you've certainly grown a great deal this weekend. Though I will admit, you looked quite fetching.' He cleared his throat, 'I mean, that is to say, you-'

 

            'You're right fit, y'know that? For the record- cat or no; thought so the first time I saw you. So, maybe, that had a bit to do with it, too.'

           

            'Well, for the record, I admire a man who speaks from the heart.'

           

            'You two are sickening. Eggsy, come by for boiled grass next week, James and I will be out; Hart, admit you're attracted to him, you're allowed some happiness.' Percival interrupts, pointedly looking at them both before rising from the couch to head back outside. The resulting silence was awkward, neither of them looking at the other, until Eggsy decided that was enough of that.

 

            'Thursday night work for you?'

           

            'What?'

           

            'Thursday. Tea. You 'n me. Here.'

           

            'Well yes I'm free, but you shouldn't allow Percival to make you-'

           

            'Percy ain't done nothin' to make me do this- just gave me an opportunity I wouldn't've taken otherwise. You're out of my league.'

           

            'I'm a _figurine_ Eggsy, and a cat.'

           

            'Half-cat, and I'm pretty sure that's not gonna be a problem.'

           

            'I don't have a heartbeat.'

 

            'You're made of _wood_ , bruv, I wouldn't expect one. Havin' a soul don't mean organs and shit. But you're alive enough for me.'

           

            'I'm effectively immortal.'

           

            'Then I'd better take the chance while I've got it, haven't I? Not like the rest of this makes much sense, anyway, and I'd rather try than wonder forever. What-ifs can kill someone, with enough time.'

           

            'I'm not always around- adventures like this are only too common between realms.'

           

            'Maybe sometimes I can help out- can' think of a better way to thank you for helpin' me. An' I can be patient- I've got a life, y'know. School and fam and shit.'

           

            'And what if a human catches your eye?'

           

            'Then we'll talk about it and figure shit out- this ain't some kind of ultimatum, Harry. I'm stickin' around whether we try this out or not.'

           

            'Thursday sounds lovely.' It's breathless, though Harry had no reason to be out of breath (can he? He doesn't have lungs. Does he? Said no heartbeat. Find out later.) but it makes Eggsy's face light up in a thousand-watt smile.


	11. Epilogue

            Michelle Unwin had gone to sleep only after hours of tossing and turning. She knew better than to worry after Eggsy, he'd always taken care of himself just fine (unfortunately for all the wrong reasons) but he hadn't come home. At least, he hadn't come home at any sort of decent hour and he hadn't left a message or a note or anything. A mother worries; especially a mother who feels she's failed in the past. Who _had_ failed in the past.

           

            Waking up to her alarm was fairly regular, usually immediately followed by Daisy bounding into the room and demanding breakfast. She got up, throwing on a robe before leaving her bedroom and heading to the kitchen. She'd get a head start on Daisy's ever-growing appetite.

           

            Except there was already bustle in the kitchen, and Daisy's singing along with something on the telly.

           

            'Morning, mum!' Eggsy called from his place at the stove, folding an omelet expertly before plating it and sliding it across the table toward her. 'Brekkie's on me- Daisy's already had some, as have I, so that's yours. An' there's tea, if you like.' He was pulled together; here she was in her pyjamas and he was already in denims and had Daisy fed and happy.

           

            'What are you doing up? Don't you not have class today? Where were you?' She sits down on autopilot, mindlessly picking up her fork and taking a bite of the omelet, washing it down with the tea. 'This is good, Eggsy.'

           

            'Got the blend from a friend- lookin' into making my own, though. I'm gonna go out with some mates, maybe get some running in.' He paused, even stopping his scrubbing at the pan, before continuing. 'An' I was at a friend's house- my phone died and I forgot my charger, sorry.'

           

            'I called Jamal and Ryan- they said you left Saturday night.'

           

            'Yeah, I was at Harry's place. Met him and some of his friends at the pub, went to hang out a bit and lost track of time.' The lie came easily, as wrapped in the truth as it was, and Eggsy felt a flush rising up his neck. His mum smirked at him, obviously interpreting the flush the wrong way, but whatever kept her from asking for details.

           

            'Had a nice time? You gonna see him again?'

           

            'Yeah- I really like him.'

           

            'Good, I like seein' you happy. And awake before noon.'

           

            'Oi!'

 

\---

           

            'So, Eggsy, got some news for you.' Jamal and Ryan were walking on either side of him, arms across his shoulders as they idly made their way to the Black Prince.

           

            'Did one of you two get up enough liquid courage to ask Tilde out?'

           

            'Mate, we wouldn' wanna ask'er out like that anyway. All natural or not at all.'

           

            'She deserves that much. Start as y'mean to continue and all that.'

           

            'Nah, bruv, Charlie's gonna have a party tonight- you can try your luck, again-'

           

            'And swear down we won' get smashed this time.' The trio stopped at the crosswalk, Ryan and Jamal's arms falling from Eggsy's shoulders. Eggsy watched as a family went by, pram pushed ahead of the couple bumping hips, a small smile on his face.

           

            'Ain't you gonna say something, Eggs'?'

           

            'We thought you'd be thrilled, since you were still salty 'bout it on Friday.'

 

            'I've had a long weekend, bruv- put a lot of shit in perspective. He don't really matter anymore.'

           

            'You owe me five quid, Ryan- actually, first round's on you, an' I'll call it even.' They walked into the pub, grabbing a booth in the back, and Ryan went to the bar grumbling about unfair wagers and how he never _shoulda taken that bet in the first place._

 

            'Will you lot stop bettin' on my life? You've got more important shit to do, don't you?'

           

            'Where else would we get our jollies from, Eggsy? Can't bet on our _own_ lives- an' he's basically an extension of me at this point, anyway.'

           

            'True enough.'

           

\---

 

            'Hey, James, what's it like to fly?' Eggsy was walking home, taking the long way, when he'd spotted James overhead.

           

            'Weren't you walking on air just yesterday, Eggsy?'

           

            'Well, yeah, but I was a bit distracted with the whole _not dying_ thing, y'know? I don't remember much outside of the pretty view and being a bit chilled.'

           

            'Well it's still both of those things, with the added bonus of feeling weightless. Lots of really neat things to see that you just _can't_ without wings.'

           

            'Sounds like what I like about parkour- but, like, on a rollercoaster.'

           

            'Want to find out?'

           

            'What?'

           

            'Want to find out what it's like to fly? I can give you a ride to Kingsman. Faster than trying to take that obstacle course Ali runs you through.'

           

            'Don't let him hear you calling him that. Got right pissed when I tried it.'

           

            'I'll save it for a rainy day, then. So?' He thought about it for a minute, before throwing caution to the wind.

           

            'Yeah, alright.' James landed on the top of a nearby wall, and Eggsy shot a message to his mum before he jumped up to crouch beside him and allowing himself to shrink (he loved magic) and climb onto James.

           

            'Hold on- don't worry about hurting me, you couldn't pull feathers from me if you tried- Harry would kill me if you got hurt. Partially because of all the work we did to get you out of the Cat Kingdom unharmed, mostly because he fancies you.' Giving barely enough time for Eggsy to situate himself, James took off.

           

            'This is _brilliant_!' Eggsy yelled over the roar of the wind in his ears. 'I could live up here.'

           

            'Well, while it's good to know you don't get flight-sick, I don't intend to fly you around for the rest of forever.'

           

            'Fair 'nough. James- can I ask you a question?'

           

            'Don't know if I'll have an answer for you, but you can ask.'

           

            'Y'think Harry and I'll work out? Like, we're real different, yeah? But I don' think we're _too_ different, y'get me?'

           

            'On the one wing I think you two are silly to be worrying about this so early on- you haven't even had your _first date_ yet; on the other, I think it's good that you're wondering. I think you and Harry'll be good for each other- and, who knows what'll happen, magic can manage a lot of things with the right tweaking. You two are already similar in all the ways that matter.'

           

            '...Thanks, bruv.' They arrived at Kingsman in companionable silence some time after sundown. Eggsy jumped off his back, letting himself take advantage of the half-cat form his head preferred, before knocking on Harry's door. A few moments later, it opened, revealing Harry in a jumper and denims (did he make them, or did he simply shrink down normal clothing?) all too surprised to see him there.

           

            'Eggsy! I wasn't expecting you until Thursday- come in.'

           

            'Just cos I've landed a date with you don't mean I'm not allowed to see you till then, Haz.'

           

            'Please don't call me that.'

           

            'Fine, Harry- besides, I didn't really plan on this in the first place. Ran into James on my way home an' he offered to take me flying. Which is _wicked_ and I want to do it all the time. I wish I could fly.' He stared wistfully upward, though the ceiling kind of ruined the effect.

           

            'Settle down, Icarus. I'm sure you could convince James to take you out sometimes, but a gentleman doesn't take advantage of one's friends.'

           

            'What if I wasn't a gentleman?'

           

            'Then James could easily throw you off and solve the issue on his own. I'd be sad to see the end of you.'

           

            'Guess I'll have to be a gentleman, then. What're you doing?'

           

            'Updating my files- I like to keep a record of the problems I've solved. I hope you don't mind, but I'm adding our adventure to the file I started with your father- not much in there, and they _are_ related in many ways.'

           

            'Anythin' I can do to help?'

           

            'I’d kill for tea.'

           

            'You got it, no murder necessary.' Eggsy made a purposeful brush by Harry as he made his way to the kitchenette, tail briefly entwining with Harry's, feeling incredibly at ease. The whole Cat Kingdom fiasco had simultaneously changed everything and nothing, but Eggsy had learned to roll with the punches- in a much less literal fashion than he'd had to before. There was a knock at the door, followed by Percival's voice telling the newcomer to just walk in, so it wasn't a new visitor.

 

            'Harry, I was wondering if- Eggsy?' His dad walked in, no longer in his Guard uniform, but froze mid-step at seeing Eggsy preparing tea. 'Didn't you get out in time?' Oh, right, looked like a cat- the last (only) time his dad had seen him he'd been terrified of this very thing. Made sense for him to be freaking out a bit.

 

            'Hey, dad- yeah I got out, but Merlin did some wicked magic to this,’ he pulled out the medal, ‘and now I can change size and shit. Watch.’ He held up a hand, weird in-between as it was, and made it human before allowing it to settle back in the in-between.

 

            ‘Oh, thank fuck. Well, this kind of eliminates the favour I was here to ask.’

 

            ‘Tea? Was just makin’ some, an’ then we can catch up while Harry finishes up his report.’

 

            ‘Sounds nice- lemon, and honey if you can.’ Lee sat himself on the sofa, carelessly tossing a paper folded many times over onto the table, and Eggsy filed away that information for later. He could make him tea, some other time, without asking. Tea, for his dad, who he never thought he’d know, even if he was a cat. ‘Chester retired, you know, after the whole fiasco.’

 

            ‘Fuck yeah- Merlin’ll be an ace ruler, compared to his da. Bet he got his smarts from his mum, whoever she is.’

 

            ‘He and Roxy send their well wishes.’

 

            ‘Send mine back, would you? They def deserve some peace before the wedding.’

 

            Man his life was weird.

 

            ‘Alright, here’s your tea dad- an’ yours, Harry- and one's left for me cos Percy doesn’t like boiled grass and James flew off after dropping me here.’ He relaxed into the same chair he had last time, thinking of it as his own despite having sat in it once, and leant towards his dad. ‘So, I wanna know, what’ve you been doing since you got turned into a cat? You can’t have just waltzed your way into the military with no history.’

 

             They chatted for a while, and after a bit Eggsy went human, allowing Lee his first real glimpse at his son- and Lee promptly pulled Eggsy to him. He shook, muttering apologies and pleading for forgiveness, and Eggsy simply held him. He softly murmured to his dad, assuring him that he’d been forgiven before he’d even asked, and rubbed his hands up and down his back.

 

            Harry sat back at his desk, observing the exchanges between the two, and allowed himself the satisfaction of a job well done.

**Author's Note:**

> As always, you can find me on tumblr at [AgentDagonet](http://www.agentdagonet.tumblr.com)


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